Run, Forrest, Run

Benjamin participated in his first race on the Saturday after Thanksgiving (well, actually second, if you also consider the 25 meter toddler trot he participated in when he was 17 months old).

I loved this picture of him towards the end of the race, as this is what we imagined he would be like for the whole race!  We pushed him and Katie in a stroller for a 5K Halloween fun run (which we walked, as I am NOT a runner) about a month ago, and Mark let him out of the stroller to run the end of the race with him.  Ben LOVED it, and ran really fast and enthusiastically for a long time.  He kept talking about doing another race, so we thought the Houston Area Road Runner Association 'Just for Kids Fun Run' would be perfect for him.  They have a variety of events for children of different ages, and we signed Ben up for the 400 meter run, and it even had a "heat" (is that what it is called?) specifically for kids ages 3-5.

It's held the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and we've been looking for non-food (particularly non-sweets) ways to celebrate seasons and holidays (as well as just fun things to do as a family that emphasize exercise) --- so we thought how perfect would this be?!  They had several bounce houses and a fire engine there as well.

So we loaded the kids up in the van on Saturday morning and headed out for the run.  Ben enjoyed the bounce houses and fire engine as we waited for his race to start.  Unfortunately, though, the race got off to a bad start for Ben, since they fired a gun for the "go" signal, and then there was a loud megaphone with speakers along the course cheering the kids on.  Ben is sensitive to loud noises, so he spent the first part of the race crying and covering his ears and refusing to go.  Fortunately, the course was a turn-around halfway through time, so when he and Mark(who was running with him, while Katie and I cheered on the sidelines) were at the end of the pack, they turned around early to head back towards the finish line.  We did get him to run for a bit towards the end of the course (although, I'm not sure he exactly ran across the finish line), and the event photographers got this great picture of him.

So I paid $10 for this digital download --- a beautiful picture of my son, which does NOT represent the actuality of the event for him.  But this is how I pictured it would be.  And we'll try again next year.  Mark loves to run, and we hope Ben (and Katie, eventually too) will also love running, and that it can be a daddy/children activity they can enjoy together in the years to come.  And Ben really DOES love to run - he just didn't enjoy this particular run.  So, ultimately,  I had to have a picture of Ben's first race - even if it's not exactly accurate. :)

Workin' Girl

Two blog posts in two days --- I'm on a roll! :)  It's actually 6 AM right now as I write this, but I am wide awake and don't need to leave the house for another 15 minutes, so I thought I would at least get started.  Early morning has become my exercise time, and after two weeks of getting up early to exercise, I think I am adjusting.  I was just finding too many excuses to not exercise during the day, and I'm determined to lose the rest of this baby weight (about another 20 pounds to go, and I've plateaued yet AGAIN), so I've started setting the alarm for early in the morning and then either going to a 5:30 AM Pilates class at the YMCA or taking brisk walks around our neighborhood.  This morning I am meeting a friend at 6:30 AM to walk, but after so many 5 AM wake-ups, I woke up on my own about 20 minutes ago.

But that's not what I wanted to write about this morning.  I want to write about work.  And I also want to write a little update on the kiddos (both doing great!) - but the kid post will probably need to wait until later.

So I'm back at work now, after 7 months of being a SAHM.  I definitely feel like I learned a ton being at home for this time period.  It was really an incredible time, and I was sad to end this period when I returned to work 3 weeks ago.  I got a chance to do things that I had been wanting to do for a while (such as finishing unpacking our boxes from our Hurricane Ike evacuation, organizing our home a little better, managing contractors during the exterior house remodel), but I also gained a lot of confidence in my ability to not only handle staying at home with young children, but in my ability to embrace that role and enjoy it.

Mark and I were married for almost 7 years before Benjamin was born.  When we dated and even when we got married, we were both of the attitude "yeah, we would probably like to have a couple of kids someday."  But neither of us were in a hurry to do that; it was a vague off-in-the-distance idea, and it certainly wasn't a strong topic of conversation, planning or an important part of the reason we wanted to be together.  When we eventually did decide to start trying to have kids, it was still more of an idea in the future --- we didn't want to be sitting on our front porch alone at 70 years old and wish we had had children.  Neither of us were particularly into babies (I was actually a bit afraid of them, and dreaded when people asked me if I wanted to hold their newborns).

So it was a bit of a shock to the system when baby Benjamin arrived.  And, truthfully, after 3 months maternity leave, I was ready to go back to work --- ready to get back at least a little bit to being the "old" me.  The return-to-work arrangement was difficult though.  We did not have child care for Benjamin, so our schedule consisted of taking turns working while the other parent took care of the baby.  A typical day might include Mark going to a morning rehearsal, coming home at lunch, at which point I raced off to the office for a half day, then returned home to have an hour or two with Mark and Ben before he took off for an evening concert.  It was exhausting.  Things would have gotten better when Ben started school at 16 months, but that's when our house flooded, so we had the new stress of living with friends and trying to remodel our house while we were both also working.  Then shortly after we moved back into our house, I switched roles at work, which required longer hours, then we got pregnant with Katie and I returned to work full-time.

We did okay through all these arrangements, but our house always seemed a mess and dis-organized, I felt like I could never get even the simplest goals at home accomplished, we ate a lot of frozen pizza and didn't get much exercise, and I felt like I missed out on some fun times at home with Benjamin.  So with a chance to "re-set" the clock and pace following Katie's birth, I knew I wanted to try something different.

My company is incredible with their maternity policies.  And I've been using them to the full capacity this time around.  No regrets (so far).  I am not only working fewer hours now (supposed to be 8 per week, but I've been doing about 12) than I was when I went back after Benjamin was born, I feel like I am able to contribute to and manage our household much more effectively with all the things I've learned during my leave of absence.  It probably also helps that I learned how to mother a baby from Benjamin, so I'm more relaxed with Katie and am used to getting less sleep. :)

My assignment at work probably couldn't be any better right now, too --- which definitely helps.  I was assigned to a new Project, so the team had only been formed for a couple of months by the time I joined.  In the week following my assignment, additional team members were named.  So I had the advantage of not filling in for someone else who was full-time, and having to manage expectations of what I would and wouldn't do in that role.  My manager just carved out a couple of pieces of the Project scope for me to complete.  So that's what I am doing --- without judgement from the team for the scale of my contribution.

I also work from home --- I don't even have an office on campus.  Which is absolutely fantastic so far.  This also works because the particular Project I am on has team members on a few different campuses, so it's not terribly apparent that I am "missing." I love not having to defend when I come and go.  We have a standing weekly meeting on Monday afternoons (Mark's day off, so I am always able to attend!), and I have gone in just one extra time to meet with my functional (career) supervisor.  Other than that, it's been phone calls and emails, and it's working so far.  I love the flexibility of being able to work when it is convenient for Mark to take care of the kids, not having to dress up (still hardly anything fits) and saving the commute time to the office.  And it's great not having to worry about when to feed Katie - since we never really got regular with giving her bottles.

...okay, that was as far as I got before I had to leave to meet my friend for our walk.  Both kids are now napping, so I'll see if I can finish this post, although I have  lost my train of thought...

So all-in-all, I think my situation for being back at work is as good as it could possibly be.  I am working few hours and I get to do most of my work from home.  The challenge is that, for now, I need to fit these extra hours into what already felt like full and busy days - particularly until Katie starts school (which could be as early as April or as late as September 2011).  Ideally, I would have just preferred to delay my return date until Katie was ready to start school --- but that wasn't an option.  So we're going with the next best thing (8 hours per week).   I originally asked for the reduced schedule just until year end, at which point I was supposed to return to work half time (20-30 hours per week).  The idea of going back half time was really stressing me out, so within the first week of returning, I requested for the full possible term for the reduced schedule - which is 6 months.  Assuming the situation looks like it is working (ie I can make a meaningful contribution to the team), I should get to continue this until May 1, 2011.  That possibility just thrills me.

So why not just quit and stay home, if that's what I want to do?  I never thought that staying home full time would be something that I would want to do.  And if we could continue our current lifestyle, it may be something that I would consider more strongly.  But we saved up money while I was working full-time so that we could continue to enjoy the conveniences two pay checks bring --- someone to clean our house twice per month, lawn mowing service in the summer,  leaf raking in the fall (we have huge trees), as well as the extra luxuries, such as eating out (although, with 2 kids, we don't do that too much anymore anyways) and my current love affair with Starbucks.  And the remodeling / landscaping projects couldn't happen.  And finally, we wouldn't be able to send our children to the Montessori pre-school that we love and later, potentially the private (and expensive) Montessori elementary - high school.  So while we could make it work on one income, it wouldn't be nearly as fun.

But money isn't the only reason I work.  I need to have time away from my children each day, interacting with adults, doing something that isn't solely focused on them.  I truly believe I am a better parent because of it.  After long stretches during school breaks, I find my patience with Benjamin wearing out.  And once Katie is more interactive and requires more undivided attention, I imagine that I will need more of a break from her too.  The right day care / pre-schools offer that, and so when she is old enough (at least according to us) to benefit from some non-parent time with another caring adult, I don't believe I'll have issues with enrolling her for a few hours per day as well.  When that happens, work and home seem to balance out really well.  I can spend some non-hurried time with the children in the morning (since school doesn't start for them until 9 AM), drop them off at school, go to work, then pick them up in the afternoon with enough time to spend a few hours together before the evening unwinding activities begin.  It is a really good rhythm for our family.

So ultimately, my resistance to going back to work is a short-term one.  So it makes sense to muscle through at this point.  And I'm not ready to give up being a career woman.  I have been successful so far at work, and it feels good to get affirmation for doing a job well done.  Particularly because you have to wait quite a few years for the pat-on-the-back for raising your children well.  And I feel like I am most balanced and happiest working part-time.

So our current plan is that I will work 8 hours per week until May 1, 2010 (I like to count down, so see the new ticker above), at which point I will bump up to regular part-time (20-30 hours per week), and at about this time we also hope to start Katie in pre-school.  I can then work part-time for another 1.5 years - which would take us to November 1, 2012.  At that point, Ben will be 5 and Katie will be 2.5.  What will I do then?  I'll likely need to return to work full time or change to a permanent part-time status --- which is not without career ramifications.  But that's a long time off --- even for the OCD planner in me.  So we'll just have to see where life leads us between now and then.

After

Our house exterior remodel is complete (see this post for the before pictures)!  It's actually been complete for over a month now, but finding the time to blog about it was another thing. :)  We are really pleased with the outcome, and actually really like the contractor that we hired.

It was thrilling at first to have work being done on the house, and not actually being the ones to do it.  But then after a couple of weeks, I got a little tired of always having people outside of our windows.  I really like lots of natural daylight in the house, so I refused to close our blinds --- so the workers got to know our daily rhythm well.  I was made more aware of how I spend my day, since I felt like I was always being watched!  I spend a lot of time in the kitchen (particularly because that's also where our washer/dryer are). :)

We didn't get to spend as much time outside doing our own work as I had originally anticipated, as our yard was filled with tools, debris and people working.  It didn't feel safe to let Ben run around until most of the clean-up was done, so we actually felt a little stuck inside throughout the process.  And Ben has a thing lately for loud noises, so he was really concerned about going outside when they were sawing.

But we're not yet done!  We've received two bids on drainage / sprinklers (Steve, I think we're taking your advice and going the way of hiring this job out), and landscapers scheduled to give bids after Thanksgiving.  And Mark and Ben are still diligently working away in the garage.  More to come!

Who is this woman in the house?

Hi friends, this is Mark writing. Tomorrow is a big, big day - a day that marks the end of a very special time. It's Katherine's last day at home before returning to work. I don't remember thinking this was such a big deal when she went back after Ben was born. It happened sooner for one thing - he was only three months old. Perhaps the extra four months were enough to lull me into thinking this was a permanent arrangement. But also, I think Katherine has really embraced and enjoyed the life of a domestic engineer this time, much more so than before.
    Perhaps the least expected accomplishment is that she has become a very good cook. This has always been my domain, and I enjoy it. But it's been a serious blast to watch her gain skill and especially to work together on meals. I'm hoping we can do a lot more cooking together in the years to come. Today for lunch, she made these amazing sandwiches - not just some turkey on bread with the usual condiments and fixings. This sandwich was legitimate restaurant fare: ham, sliced apple, edam cheese, smeared with a concoction of apple butter, dried mustard, and grated onion, sandwiched between cinnamon raisin toast. It was superb!
     You know that statistic you hear sometimes? The one that says women do 70% of the housework, even in families where both parties work outside the home. I used to take pride that it wasn't that way in our house. Well...now it is. It really has been a wonderful gift she's given me by doing so much of that stuff the last few months.
     Most importantly, she's been a fantastic mother to Katie and Benjamin. Katie's been a challenging baby, sometimes pushing me to the point of meltdowns. But Katherine handles her (and me) with skill and patience. She reads the baby books so we know what to expect or why Katie's upset at a particular stage. She is excellent at choosing age appropriate toys for Ben that are engaging without over stimulating. She organizes everything, and actually enjoys the process. How many people actually look forward to reaching into the tupperware drawer? I do now. She does that for the kids' stuff too, including rotating toys Montessori style. Our kids are well loved. 
    One thing I thoroughly enjoy about all this is that neither of us knew this side of her when we got married. In fact, I was attracted to her in part because of how driven she was in terms of developing a career. People change over the course of years, and that's one of the cool things about marriage. We now get to experience this whole new facet of Katherine. Thanks honey, it's been a wonderful seven months!

Final Tour Update

Hi everyone. I'm back home in Houston now, and it's time for one final post about the orchestra's trip to the UK. We left Newcastle on Thursday morning, on the bus, and arrived in Basingstoke about nine hours later. This was definitely the low point of the tour for me. I just felt tremendously homesick. And there's nothing like sitting on a bus with nothing to do but think about how bummed out you are. Fortunately, no concert that night.

Friday, we had the morning off. Some people made an excursion to Stonehenge. I know, it's totally lame, but I slept in. I was completely wiped from too many late nights and socially exhausted. Who wants to see a bunch of rocks anyway? That night's concert was at The Anvil. Despite the cool name, it was a dump. After the concert, we drove into London.

Saturday we had two concerts, one matinee and one evening performance. These were held at the Barbican, home of the London Symphony Orchestra. The last couple days had been tough, but there was a carefree, lighthearted feeling in the air that day. It was nice to play the concerts with that vibe, and they were good ones. I think everyone was excited to be back in London and headed home the next day. That night I stayed up way too late, but had a real good time with some fun friends.

The flight home went surprisingly quickly, thanks in part to the entertainment options on the Boeing 777. Individual screens + movies on demand = quick 10 hours. Katherine and Ben met me at the airport, and I could see Ben on the other side of the customs door saying "I see Daddy!"  It was so wonderful to see them. I had a great time, but the truth is I'm not complete without them, especially Katherine. It's good to be home.

I have some cool pictures to share, but too many for the blog. I'll put them up on the Picasa site soon, and link to it from here. 

In recollection, here are some of the highlights of the trip for me:

Lots of great food. Britain is not known as a culinary destination, and that's well deserved. I actually only ate two British meals - one bangers and mash, one fish and chips. Despite the reputation, both were quite smashing. I'm told I was lucky to have this be the case. Many friends reported nasty versions of the same dishes. What Britain does have is fantastic ethnic food, specifically Indian. I ate three Indian meals, one Pakistani, one Italian, one Chinese, and one Thai. All were terrific, especially the Pakistani one. It's similar to Indian food, and their staple dish is called Balti. For that meal we went to a highly recommended hole in the wall where they just brought out a bunch of food, no specific ordering from the menu.

Train Rides/Scenery. The train is where it's at. The seats are fairly comfortable, it's fast, and you can look out the window at some fantastic scenery. The grass in the UK is just gorgeous. The climate there is perfectly suited for grass, and even in October, it paints a vibrant green all over the countryside.

Professional challenges. One of the reasons for an orchestra to go on tour is that it has a fine-tuning effect on the ensemble. (FYI, the other is to get enough publicity that the community at home has a renewed interest in the orchestra. "If people in London think our orchestra is great, I should support this local treasure!") Playing in a different concert hall every night is seriously difficult. You often hear things you've never heard before from across the stage, or you can't hear that other musician with whom you share a difficult passage. For percussionists, it involves scenarios like: "Hmmmm. The acoustic is live, so perhaps I should use a harder mallet. But the overall size of the hall is small, so a harder mallet might be overwhelming. Perhaps something harder but light in weight would work well." Before each note is played, consideration has to be given to what volume is appropriate. On our usual stage in Houston, that process is largely subconscious. It really is fun though, and this sort of ramped up listening and thinking do make the orchestra sound incredible when we return to Houston.

Thanks for reading these updates friends. Now back to normal life!

Tour Update # 3

Greetings from Newcastle Upon Tyne! We are in northeast England tonight, not far from the border of Scotland. These Brits really like to include whatever river runs through their city in the name of that city. Probably the most famous is Stratford Upon Avon, where Shakespeare ran his theatre. It actually sounds pretty cool - very distinguished I think -  but it sure does make for a long city name. Tonight's concert was probably the best performance by the orchestra on this tour. Interestingly, today was also the day when it seemed like a lot of people started to yearn for home and some are getting a wee bit apathetic. I actually find this encouraging, that even though the passion for performance was a little less tonight, the musicians dug in and put on a very successful concert. It's a mark of professionalism I was proud to be a part of. I definitely got the homesick bug tonight. I got some photos of the family on email (thanks Howard!), and perhaps that's what did it. Or maybe I just miss the companionship of my wife. I have some fun work colleagues but they're no substitute for a loving family.
     Yesterday brought another wonderful train ride on the west side of England that took us down to Manchester. That city was so intriguing. It's not large - less than 500,000 people live there. But there's clearly a lot of money, it has superb infrastructure, and is home to the world's most famous and wealthiest sports franchise - the Manchester United football team (soccer, that is). This was a very standard tour day - leave one city in the morning, arrive in next city, relax for a couple hours, short rehearsal, concert, back to hotel, sleep, prepare to leave next morning. One thing that was very welcome in Manchester was a fairly modern concert hall with a sufficiently sized stage. No more playing from the choir loft! It was great to be back playing in our familiar position in the orchestra - so much easier!
    The last two cities have had rather modern concert halls, especially the one tonight in Newcastle. Technically it's in neighboring Gateshead, hence the name The Sage Gateshead. This hall is only five years old, and we are the first American orchestra to have been invited to play there! The manager of the hall gave a brief speech before our rehearsal - it was quite an honor to be the first Americans there, and he seemed to be thrilled with the program we were bringing: Stravinsky, Fireworks Overture; John Adams, Doctor Atomic Symphony (new American piece); and Holst's Planets with accompanying film of the actual planets. Here are some pictures of these halls:

Bridgewater Hall in Manchester

Interior of Bridgewater Hall

The Sage, Gateshead

 

The Sage at concert time

Tour Update # 2

On Friday, the factory whistle blew and it was back to work. Okay, perhaps what we do is a little easier than working in a factory, but it's turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. Also tremendously rewarding. We got on the bus Friday morning and drove to Birmingham, England. It's a pretty cool town with a very modern concert hall, lots of canals, and more nightclubs than you've ever seen in a space of 6 blocks. Shortly after arrival, we had one of only two full rehearsals on the tour. We covered all the repertoire we're playing, which is a logistics nightmare for the percussion section - very stressful. We played the first concert a few hours later to a completely sold out house. This concert hall was a refreshing change for us, acoustically. Jones Hall, our Houston home, is very mediocre in terms of acoustics. It's not the worst place to play, but it's difficult to hear each other well, and the sound doesn't really make it out into the audience as well as it does in a nice hall. The result? The orchestra can't play as precisely and we can't play as softly as we otherwise could. This becomes a real challenge when put into a new space like this, where we can hear each other, and the audience can hear even the most subtle details, including imperfections. I think we responded pretty well, and played a great concert - there was a real sense of excitement for this first concert on the other side of the Atlantic.
      The next day, we drove to Leeds. It's a former industrial town that has seen a lot of retail development in the last 20 years. It's become a shopping destination in England. It still retains its roots though - the British accent here was very unrefined (think My Fair Lady), and it's not a real attractive place. The concert was held in an awesome old facility. Part government center, part concert hall, the Leeds Town Hall was built sometime around 1865. The inside of the hall was absolutely gorgeous - I'll be posting pictures once I get back. It sounded beautiful too. But it was very small. Some of these old halls were just not meant to hold a huge orchestra. So the percussion section was up on this riser about 6 feet above the rest of the orchestra. I found this exceptionally difficult - very difficult to hear the other musicians, and difficult to find sightlines down to the conductor.
     On Sunday, I ditched the tour group. The last time I took a lengthy tour with an orchestra was when I was a student. Things are different with a professional group, and much more fun. There's no checking to see if everyone made the bus, no group dinner outings or anything like that. This affords the freedom to do things like take the train. It was a 7 hour bus ride, so I was delighted to spend three hours on a semi-high speed train chatting with friends and enjoying some amazing scenery as we headed north into Edinburgh, Scotland. Some of the views were just what you'd imagine - ocean waves crashing against rocky cliffs, beautiful green golf courses along the shore, lighthouses, and lots of green fields filled with sheep. After settling in at the hotel, it was time to go to our usual preconcert sound check rehearsal. Before each concert, there is a 30 minute rehearsal - the main purpose being to adjust to the acoustics of that hall and touch up any rough spots from previous concerts. The pieces we're playing on this tour use a ton of equipment - two sets of chimes, numerous tam tams, and an octave of tuned gongs. These 30 minute rehearsals are really stressful, often going through things very quickly, requiring fast equipment changes for the percussionists. The playing part is usually easier than the logistics. And I couldn't believe it, this hall was even smaller than the last one, with the percussionists again perched up in the choir loft. The temporary floor they had set up had steps up and down as you moved across, it was cramped, and it was again difficult to hear the rest of the orchestra. After the concert last night, I was absolutely beat - it just took so much brainpower to deal with all the extra challenges in addition to the usual ones of playing hard music. But there were some wonderful rewards. If you're familiar with the Planets by Holst, you may remember the piece concludes with a women's chorus singing off stage. They are the last thing heard as they fade away into silence. It's an exceptionally difficult part for the chorus, and ours in Houston is not very good. Usually, this is a subpar part of the performance, and I routinely let my mind wander at that point to avoid the disappointment. Last night though, we were joined by the Edinburgh Women's Chorus, and wow, these ladies can sing. I was caught off guard a bit - the music there is just gorgeous when done well. We've performed it a few dozen times now and I was surprised to find myself re-engaging in that spot and my eyes getting a wee bit moist hearing it performed so beautifully. Despite feeling a bit beaten down by the challenges of the last few concerts, I am relishing the satisfaction that comes from dealing with the adverse conditions and working hard to overcome them by playing well. Today was a day off - a climb up the mountain outside Edinburgh, laundry, St Giles cathedral, and dinner with friends. Tomorrow, chop chop!