Cleveland

Wow, has it really been 2.5 months since I wrote a blog post?  Clearly, blogging has not made it to the top of my list lately.  I really do enjoy blogging, and I love documenting little details about our lives for our children to read later.  There are quite a few things I want to blog about, but before too much more time passes, I really want to write about our recent "adventure" back into the world of percussion auditions.  And with the help of our new favorite person (aka Ben & Katie's new babysitter!), I have about 1.5 hours of uninterrupted computer time right now - so I am sitting here in Panera with my iced tea and computer, while Mark sits across from me reading his airplane book.  Quite luxurious for a Saturday afternoon!  So, here we go.

So as you probably gathered, Mark recently took an audition with the Cleveland Orchestra (no need to read ahead, he did not win it, and we are staying here in Houston). :)  This was an unusual audition for a number of reasons, which I will explain shortly.  But what an adventure we had as he got ready for this one!  The last audition Mark took was when Ben was about 4 months old, and it was a horrible, horrible experience.  Obviously, we were still adjusting to life with a baby, I had recently returned to work (and had not yet figured out how to work part-time, so was working very long hours with no babysitter/daycare), Mark had his usual work with the Houston Symphony, and also had taken on a couple of additional musical engagements.  We were stressed out, worn out and generally miserable.  On top of all that, the audition process was unfair, and we felt like all that hard work was for naught.  I don't remember if we consciously decided at that point that this was going to be his last audition, but over the next few years, I came to really appreciate my job (see previous post 'Working Girl' for a few of the reasons why), we developed some really good friends, and came to like Houston pretty well (except for the last few months of summer, when the heat and most notably the mosquitos hang around just a little too long).

There have actually been quite a few auditions in the last few years, and Mark would always casually mention what was coming up, but it would be in passing, and we never considered taking another audition very seriously.  And that's even the case when an audition for the Principal Percussionist with the Cleveland Orchestra was announced in May.  Truthfully, I don't even remember Mark talking much about it.  Of course the timing probably couldn't have been worse --- we were still adjusting to our very loud newborn daughter, and had our "map" all laid out of my maternity leave, return to work, etc.

However, this was not just another percussion job.  First, it's the Cleveland Orchestra --- which is one of (if not the) best orchestras in the world.  And this was the principal percussionist position.  So top dog in the top symphony.  No small potatoes.

But, again, we are happy in Houston.  That would have been a very different summer if Mark had been trying to get ready for an audition.  And the Cleveland style is a bit different than many other orchestras, and Mark didn't think his style of playing would be a great match.  But out of curiosity, Mark sent in his resume to see if he would be invited to audition.  And he was.  But still with very little conversation about the audition, we let that one slide into the list of the others that had come up over the past few years that Mark sat out.

The audition was held in September.  About a dozen percussionists were invited to play, and one percussionist was of particular interest to the audition committee, but being rather young, he was not selected for the job.  So there was no "winner" for this audition.

Then, right after Thanksgiving, Mark received a call from the personnel manager of the Cleveland Orchestra inviting him to a second audition.  This one was not going to follow standard protocol.  First, they would be flying Mark out for the audition and putting him up in a hotel (usually travel/lodging are paid for by the auditionee).  The audition would not be screened, and it was limited to a handful (7 to be exact) of percussionists that were individually selected by someone (we still don't know who, but we think it was the music director).

This was a huge honor.  But still, we had our minds set that Houston was our home.  How could I give up my great part-time work situation?  So while we were impressed by the invitation, Mark planned to turn it down.

But then something happened.  Mark brought up the audition again over the next couple of days.  And he talked about it again.  Clearly, this was not an easy audition for him to turn down.  So we started to talk about it.  And I think, that's where the real adventure began.


So what was there to decide?  While it may seem "obvious" that this prestigious position would be Mark's preference, it was not so easy.  First, Mark has a lot of outside interests besides the symphony.  And his current position allows him much more free time to pursue all of these interests.  As a section percussionist with the Houston Symphony, he gets more time off, since if there is just one percussionist needed for a piece, the principal percussionist plays, and Mark gets that concert off.  He also doesn't have to spend all that extra time assigning parts, procuring instruments, or dealing with personnel matters.  Was he willing to give up / delay some of his other interests (namely flying and his desire to build an experimental aircraft)?  Where did work fit into Mark's big picture of happiness?

Then we also learned that there were some major personnel issues within the percussion section --- a few wild card personalities that clashed pretty dramatically (including a lawsuit between the timpanist and one of the percussionists).  Did Mark want to deal with this drama daily?

Then there was of course all the change that this would mean for me.  First, I've been really happy at work lately.  Obviously all the flexibility is great --- but I'm also succeeding there.  I fit well within the culture, and I have a good reputation with my colleagues.  It was hard to imagine giving that up, and trying to start new somewhere else.  But I wouldn't say that my job is my passion --- so I also knew that I couldn't let Mark give up such a great opportunity without further exploring my other options.  But still, I was worried about how I could find part-time work in a new place.  But then we got talking some more.  What if I didn't have to work?  The Cleveland position would practically double Mark's salary.  So I could just stay home.  Wow.  If that were really a choice, would I want to do it?  How would I feel being in a more "traditional" role --- doing most of the child care by myself while Mark was at work (which would now be considerably more hours).

Then there was the travel.  The Cleveland Orchestra is on tour for 8-10 weeks per year.  Would I be miserable in a new town, home alone with two young children for that many weeks in the first few years?  I figured it would get easier over time, as we got used to the arrangement, and the children weren't quite so needy.  It was a lot to process.

But we kept talking about it over the next few days.  We began to realize that Mark needed to take this audition.  We didn't want to face the "what if" if we changed our minds later - to not have even tried.

So what if Mark took this audition...and won?  Could we stop there?  Could he really turn it down if we decided that it wasn't what we wanted?  There is a one year "probationary" period before tenure is granted.  So there is a chance that even if he won the job and we moved our family out to Cleveland, that he could be fired after a year.  Fortunately, the Houston Symphony allows a one year leave of absence, so he should be able to return to his job if that were to happen.  But what about me?  Did I want to leave my job if there was a chance I would be looking for work again in a year?  We briefly tossed around the idea of me staying in Houston with the kids while Mark spent his first year in the Cleveland Orchestra.  But that sounded pretty miserable.

So ultimately, we never truly decided what Mark would do if he were to win.  And, truthfully, I think we are both a bit relieved that we didn't have to make that decision.  In the weeks he spent preparing for the audition, I went back and forth about whether I wanted him to win it or not.  It was such a strange experience to really, truly have either outcome be okay.  Part of me wanted the "adventure" of picking up and moving someplace new --- particularly to the midwest, which still feels like home to me even though I no longer have family there.  But I also love our life here, so there were some days that I wanted to just return to our regular lives without having things shaken up too much.

But besides the excitement of a potential change, and the closeness we experienced in re-examining our lives and our roles, other good things came out of this audition.  First, a lot of our career-focus or career conversations have been around my career.  Every year or so I am assigned a new role, and I go through an annual performance appraisal where I get concrete feedback about my performance and my potential.  So it was a good experience to move into a supportive role for Mark as he pursued a career opportunity.  I tried to free him up as much as possible so he could not only practice, but also just to give him some room to get into the mental frame of mind that's needed for an audition.  There is so much more to auditioning than just practicing --- but I'm hoping Mark may follow my blog post with one of his own accounting for the audition experience, so I'll leave it at that.  It felt good to be able to support him in something so important --- where, traditionally it's been about how I can squeeze in more hours at work.

Another good thing that came out of the audition was Mark's renewed vigor for excellence in his playing, and confidence in himself.  It's easy to slide into mediocrity when you have tenure with an orchestra.  It was good for Mark to refine his percussion skills and really spend some intense time with the instruments.

And one final "plus" that came out of this audition is our lives seem so much easier now by comparison!  Truthfully, I think the kids are at an easier age (Ben is 3.5, Katie is 10 months), but when we also don't need to squeeze an extra 4 hours out of the day for Mark to practice, life just seems so much more relaxed!  We're enjoying settling back into our routine (the audition was in mid-January, a month ago) --- resuming our focus on being healthier (I still need to lose 20 pounds of baby weight, and Mark wants to lose about the same (although he has already lost 25 pounds!)), working on projects around the house (drainage complete, and fence tear down also complete!), and trying to just enjoy these precious days with our young family.

Time to wrap this up and get home to the kiddos.  But I'd have to say, this is the best audition that Mark never won! :)