Wow - where do I begin? I have been so bad about updating this blog --- something I know I will regret --- I already do. But our lives have just seemed so busy - it feels like it's hard to keep up enough to just get through everything that needs to be done every day, and it just doesn't feel like there's enough time or energy left after it all to sit down and reflect on our lives.
But I do love capturing these memories - I often look back at old blog posts to remember what we were doing / how we were feeling when we were at earlier stages in our lives --- or at least the past few years, since we've been blogging.
And I love sharing these reflections with you, my friends, and hearing your thoughts back. For some of you, this is about the only form of communication I can seem to keep up with these days. Sorry about that. But this too, shall pass, and someday we will have older children and picking up the phone won't seem so difficult.
So how is it that I am managing to collect my thoughts enough and find the time to sit down and blog at 11:30 on a Wednesday afternoon?
It's because we have now entered "the next phase" for our family.
I am now officially a "regular" part-timer with my job --- which means I work 20-30 hours per week. At about the same time I returned to this status (May 1), I was also assigned a new role --- while still keeping many elements of my old role. So instead of trying to work a 20-hour per week job in 8 hours, I am now trying to work two part-time jobs in 20-30 hours per week. So goes life (remember the "There is no normal" post?). I feel like I'm at least getting used to the idea that life is just not going to go according to my plans (yes, it's only taken me 33 years to figure this one out) - and I'm learning to compromise a bit more. And while my work is very important to me, and I want to be reliable to my supervisors/co-workers, I'm trying to push back a little bit more so that every request at work doesn't come at the cost of my family. In fact, today, I was going to log in from home for a couple of hours and ultimately decided that what I was going to work on could wait until I am back in the office tomorrow. Go me. :)
So, May and the first part of June have been a little tough. Because I was working more hours and we still did not have Katie in school. We did discover and enroll Katie in a dedicated corporate back-up center (more on that later, maybe)? She went here two days a week for much of the month of May. This was an extroadinary benefit, and I am so grateful for being able to use this service. And then we had Ben's former babysitter, who is home from college, watch her a few mornings a week for the last part of May. But all that planning / juggling was tough.
Ben had a week off from school the first week of June, and my parents came out to celebrate his fourth birthday with us and help us out with the kids. I took that week off for vacation - to spend time with Ben and also hang out with Katie - as it was to be her last week home before starting school! We had a really nice visit and did some fun things together.
It blows my mind, though, that we now have a four year old son. Four seems so much older than three.
And last week Katie began and completed her transition (Friday was her first full day, including napping at school) into the Toddler community at Ben's (and now her's also!) school. This transition was SO much easier than beginning school with Ben. And by easier, I mean for me. Both kids have transitioned into school environments very easily --- no tears from either of them! But deciding to have Ben start school was difficult for me, and I faced a lot of doubts and fears in letting go of this control. With Katie it has been so much easier, as she started in the same room with the same two teachers that Ben did a few years ago. And the summer time classes are much smaller, so it's a more intimate environment.
The experience of helping Katie transition into school was a joyful and sentimental one for me. It brought back such vivid memories of spending time in the same classroom with Benjamin at a similar age (he was a few months older when we started him at this school). It made me miss my baby Benjamin, and made me sentimental that my baby Katie was no longer a baby, but a toddler. It almost brought tears to my eyes when I looked in the window at pick-up time to see her sleeping on her nap mat --- such a big girl, not my baby in a crib! And it made me sentimental that this very long, drawn out baby moon was coming to an end. I was no longer on maternity leave. I was no longer on a reduced, post-maternity leave work schedule. I no longer had a baby to tote around with me everywhere (although, truthfully, this part is mostly a relief!). I would now be in a new, "normal" schedule. Dropping two kids off at school, then going to work.
But it's also exciting to be able to do more things now that we have two kids, and not one child plus a baby. Part of this is that Katie is now walking --- really just began about a month ago. So it feels like she can do more, experience more and not just be along for the ride. And it is exciting to be able to regain some of myself back --- it's hard to not get all encompassed in motherhood. As the years (!) seem to zip by ever faster, I am increasingly aware of how very short these early, hard years of parenting are. I want to be able to recognize myself when I come out of this phase --- as much for me as for the rest of my family. I want to have interests and passions outside of raising children. I want to have activities and plans and dreams that Mark and I can share alone when we are empty nesters.
So it feels good to sit down on this Wednesday afternoon and do something that I want to do. Even if it means letting the dishes pile up a little higher, a few more emails sit unreplied to, and a couple of outstanding requests from colleagues wait for another day to get fulfilled. I hope nobody minds. :)
Perhaps dear blog readers, we will meet again next Wednesday?
Oh, I think I never officially stated how it is that I'm home without kids on a Wednesday...I've adjusted my work schedule so that I work four days per week, and spend one day a week at home while the kids are in school. Something that absolutely delights me, and I hope will help me keep balanced.
