Happy Halloween!

Fall is finally here!  We are so grateful to finally be enjoying some cooler temperatures after a rather dreadfully long HOT summer here in Houston.

We have done a lot of celebrating of Halloween this year.  On Friday, we attended the children's Fall Festival at school.  It was quite fun!  Benjamin dressed up as Black Bat Man, and Katie wore the monkey costume that Grandma Susan made for  Benjamin when he was the same age. 

On Saturday, we participated in the Great Pumpkin Fun Run in Downtown Houston.  We entered the children in the kids costume contest...and Benjamin won first place!  It was clearly NOT for the costume (he actually chose to wear last year's Iron Man costume for the race), but instead was based on the children's "interviews" on stage.  Our Ben likes to talk. :)  He won a large bundt cake (all participants got a small cake, so we went home with three) and a $200 savings bond!

After the race, we went to our church's fall festival, where both kids were delighted to visit the petting farm.  Then on Monday, we went trick-or-treating and attended our neighborhood's block party.

Whew!  That's a lot of celebrating!  Glad we have a few weeks off until Thanksgiving. :)

Below are the pictures that were actually posted on the Texas Heart Institute's website for the Fun Run...Our family picture is the first one included!

http://www.texasheartinstitute.org/AboutUs/News/funrun.cfm

Pictures!

We finally got some photos up from our roadie to Illinois. Click the link on the right side to see them!

Still Here

Wow, such a very, very, very long time since I put up a post.  I do regret not posting more often to this blog --- particularly to document this stage of our lives for our children --- since this is the primary means for doing so.  I just wrote in Katie's baby book...for the second time...ever. :)

This stage of life is so busy.  And often hard.  Most nights we're too exhausted to do much except crash on the couch to watch TV --- and even that is often unsuccessful, as one of us falls asleep moments after the show begins.  Some nights one of us goes to bed with the second kid - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

It's a daily struggle to decide what to spend time on.  And while I know that I will want to remember as many details and moments from these days as I can in the future, immediate needs often seem more important.  And I think that's where the balance comes in.  Not from doing everything every day.  But deciding on a focus area for the moment - usually whatever has gotten the most behind --- and getting that caught up - or at least closer to caught up - while everything else falls behind.  And then you start with another area again.

That can be hard to manage for an OCD. :)

So today, taking a moment to document our lives seems like the most important.  So the dishes and laundry may have to wait.  But at least I can cross "write in baby books" off the to-do list, where it was noted months (a year?) ago.

And perhaps next week, I will write again in the blog - and it won't seem so overwhelming in figuring out where to start.

(BTW, does anyone still read this?!)

Awesome Father's Day Gift

Hello friends! This is Mark writing - wow has it been forever since I've made a blog entry! The last few months have been pretty hectic, as you've seen in Katherine's last few posts. I'm writing from a hotel room in the lovely east Texas town of Lufkin. Some of you may remember the last time I took a trip to an east Texas hotel room from a previous blog entry: Best Gift Ever. Just over a week ago, on Father's Day, I got a certificate from Katherine and the kids offering another airplane-building trip. I know to some this is an odd gift to give your husband, but I think it's absolutely wonderful, and an indication of how well Katherine knows me. Even after four years, I still haven't totally adjusted to life with kids, and I really enjoy these little trips. First of all, there's the drive - Texas has some pretty scenery and it's such a treat just to let your mind wander uninterrupted for a few hours. Working on the airplane is so much fun. I love doing stuff with my hands - cooking, car repairs, etc - so it's rewarding in that way. It's also fun because it's a little version of one of my big dreams - to build a real airplane of a similar design. And of course, how often does a parent with young kids get to spend an entire day doing whatever he wants?
      It really is a wonderful gift, and I'm very, VERY thankful to Katherine. With symphony concerts every weekend, she does a ton of the kids' evening routine (hardest part of the day for sure!) by herself. She's very giving to volunteer a few extra nights while I enjoy this most excellent father's day present. Another thing that makes this special is that I went on one of these trips just a couple months ago. This one was a total surprise! Thank you Katherine!

For those of you interested, here's the work I did on the plane. I finished putting the iron-on covering on the wing, managing to burn a hole in it with the heat gun. Bummer - had to iron on a patch piece. I mated the control surfaces (the moving parts) to the plane. Lots of precision cutting for that - took a while. I repainted one of the wheel pants which was dropped in some grass with previously applied wet paint. I installed the tailwheel axle and marked hole locations for access to the engine adjustments. Didn't have the right drill bit here so that will have to get done at home. Finally, I put on some color stripes! There's some more of that to do at home when I have another set of hands to help. Here are some pictures:

The Next Phase

Wow - where do I begin?  I have been so bad about updating this blog --- something I know I will regret --- I already do.  But our lives have just seemed so busy - it feels like it's hard to keep up enough to just get through everything that needs to be done every day, and it just doesn't feel like there's enough time or energy left after it all to sit down and reflect on our lives.

But I do love capturing these memories - I often look back at old blog posts to remember what we were doing / how we were feeling when we were at earlier stages in our lives --- or at least the past few years, since we've been blogging.

And I love sharing these reflections with you, my friends, and hearing your thoughts back.  For some of you, this is about the only form of communication I can seem to keep up with these days.  Sorry about that.  But this too, shall pass, and someday we will have older children and picking up the phone won't seem so difficult.

So how is it that I am managing to collect my thoughts enough and find the time to sit down and blog at 11:30 on a Wednesday afternoon?

It's because we have now entered "the next phase" for our family.

I am now officially a "regular" part-timer with my job --- which means I work 20-30 hours per week.  At about the same time I returned to this status (May 1), I was also assigned a new role --- while still keeping many elements of my old role.  So instead of trying to work a 20-hour per week job in 8 hours, I am now trying to work two part-time jobs in 20-30 hours per week.  So goes life (remember the "There is no normal" post?).  I feel like I'm at least getting used to the idea that life is just not going to go according to my plans (yes, it's only taken me 33 years to figure this one out) - and I'm learning to compromise a bit more.  And while my work is very important to me, and I want to be reliable to my supervisors/co-workers, I'm trying to push back a little bit more so that every request at work doesn't come at the cost of my family.  In fact, today, I was going to log in from home for a couple of hours and ultimately decided that what I was going to work on could wait until I am back in the office tomorrow.  Go me. :)

So, May and the first part of June have been a little tough.  Because I was working more hours and we still did not have Katie in school.  We did discover and enroll Katie in a dedicated corporate back-up center (more on that later, maybe)?  She went here two days a week for much of the month of May.  This was an extroadinary benefit, and I am so grateful for being able to use this service.  And then we had Ben's former babysitter, who is home from college, watch her a few mornings a week for the last part of May.  But all that planning / juggling was tough.

Ben had a week off from school the first week of June, and my parents came out to celebrate his fourth birthday with us and help us out with the kids.  I took that week off for vacation - to spend time with Ben and also hang out with Katie - as it was to be her last week home before starting school!  We had a really nice visit and did some fun things together.

It blows my mind, though, that we now have a four year old son.  Four seems so much older than three.

And last week Katie began and completed her transition (Friday was her first full day, including napping at school) into the Toddler community at Ben's (and now her's also!) school.  This transition was SO much easier than beginning school with Ben.  And by easier, I mean for me.  Both kids have transitioned into school environments very easily --- no tears from either of them!  But deciding to have Ben start school was difficult for me, and I faced a lot of doubts and fears in letting go of this control.  With Katie it has been so much easier, as she started in the same room with the same two teachers that Ben did a few years ago.  And the summer time classes are much smaller, so it's a more intimate environment.

The experience of helping Katie transition into school was a joyful and sentimental one for me.  It brought back such vivid memories of spending time in the same classroom with Benjamin at a similar age (he was a few months older when we started him at this school).  It made me miss my baby Benjamin, and made me sentimental that my baby Katie was no longer a baby, but a toddler.  It almost brought tears to my eyes when I looked in the window at pick-up time to see her sleeping on her nap mat --- such a big girl, not my baby in a crib!  And it made me sentimental that this very long, drawn out baby moon was coming to an end.  I was no longer on maternity leave.  I was no longer on a reduced, post-maternity leave work schedule.  I no longer had a baby to tote around with me everywhere (although, truthfully, this part is mostly a relief!).  I would now be in a new, "normal" schedule.  Dropping two kids off at school, then going to work.

But it's also exciting to be able to do more things now that we have two kids, and not one child plus a baby.  Part of this is that Katie is now walking --- really just began about a month ago.  So it feels like she can do more, experience more and not just be along for the ride.  And it is exciting to be able to regain some of myself back --- it's hard to not get all encompassed in motherhood.  As the years (!) seem to zip by ever faster, I am increasingly aware of how very short these early, hard years of parenting are.  I want to be able to recognize myself when I come out of this phase --- as much for me as for the rest of my family.  I want to have interests and passions outside of raising children.  I want to have activities and plans and dreams that Mark and I can share alone when we are empty nesters.

So it feels good to sit down on this Wednesday afternoon and do something that I want to do.  Even if it means letting the dishes pile up a little higher, a few more emails sit unreplied to, and a couple of outstanding requests from colleagues wait for another day to get fulfilled.  I hope nobody minds. :)

Perhaps dear blog readers, we will meet again next Wednesday?

Oh, I think I never officially stated how it is that I'm home without kids on a Wednesday...I've adjusted my work schedule so that I work four days per week, and spend one day a week at home while the kids are in school.  Something that absolutely delights me, and I hope will help me keep balanced.

Adorable Children

...if I do say so myself. :)

We've had three photo shoots since December (extended Griffith family, Katie only, and Katie & Ben) --- and I have yet to post more than the just one family picture in this Blog.  So here is a picture from the most recent photo shoot.  It made me smile immediately when I saw it.

I have so much more I would like to write about...returning to work on a "regular" part-time basis (20-30 hours per week) and my new role, our attempts to *do* something about frustrations in our lives (getting healthier, getting more help, etc.), and progress on recent Projects (our yard is being dug up as I write this!)...but that will all have to wait since I just got a call from Ben's school that he is not feeling well, so I need to go pick him up now.  (as a reminder, see post below --- this is our life!)

In the meantime, enjoy the picture.  How quickly they grow!

There is No Normal

I know I begin every post this way, but it does just amaze me how quickly the time is flying by --- and how very little I am blogging, despite all my intentions to blog, and all the things I want to share about the kids, our family life, etc.

Anyone who even knows me a little, knows how very OCD I can be.  So it shouldn't be surprising that I feel such urgency to get everything in order --- and that often causes me to put "extra" things off until I gain a sense of control over whatever is out-of-order in the moment --- whether it be a cluttered house, things left undone for work, or a full email or inbox at home.  But as we draw closer to the next "stage" of our family life --- me returning to work half-time, and Katie about to begin school, the reality is beginning to set in for me that there really is no "normal" when you are raising two young children with two variable work schedules.

I sort of keep waiting for our lives to "settle down" before I address some things that just need to be taken care of.  Or I spend hours scripting the perfect plans to balance work demands and family life to have everything unravel by unexpected changes in agenda at work, or sick children at home.  And the reality of our lives are that:

• (A) Our plans unravel very easily.  Children are unpredictable in their needs.  I am in a very unconventional position at work.  My colleagues and manager are not used to accommodating such an unusual / reduced schedule --- and as such often put stress on me without realizing it (at least I don't think they realize it).  When the plans unravel, we often don't have a lot of back-up choices.
• (B) We need more help --- in general, but particularly when (A) happens.

The other realization I have come to - which relates to that above - is that I can't be a stay-at-home mom and work part-time.  Yes, this should seem obvious, but when I'm "only" supposed to be working 8 hours per week --- with much of it from home, I feel like I should be able to do everything a stay-at-home mom can do and also meet my obligations at work.  I can't.

When the baby is taking 2-3 hour solid naps per day, everyone is healthy, and nothing unexpected happens at work, this is sometimes doable.  But then I also don't feel like I am being fair to myself or my family to use all that napping time to get my paid work done --- because then I'm spending our family time trying to get all the other things done that are required to run a household or even just keeping up with my own personal life.  Of I let those things go, and am in a state of frustration because of it.

And then throw in the days when Katie only takes a 20 minute catnap in the car, or my manager calls with some work that needs to be done by the end of the day, or Benjamin gets sick yet again, and all those great intentions are thrown out the window.  And I'm left trying to distract an overtired, whiny baby while I desperately try to log into my company laptop (which has picked the perfect time to be not working yet AGAIN), while turning on another episode of Diego for my almost-four year old (this part thrills him, but makes me feel like a sub-standard parent), and then call my husband to ask if he can cancel his afternoon plans to take care of the kids yet AGAIN while I run to the office to finish up some work.  Not fun.  And not fair to anyone.

So what is the trade-off?  Who compromises?  What is the perfect balance?

I feel like I'm coming to peace with the idea that everyone compromises, and in the end there are advantages and disadvantages to doing things the way we do them.  And even with our situation / and the sometimes sub-standard choices we make, if we changed approach, we would simply trade this for another situation and would make the occasional different sub-standard decisions.  Because that's life - and there is no perfect solution.  And I'm still convinced that our approach is the right way to approach our family (not every family, but our family).  I need to pursue work.  As stressful and complicated as our lives have been over the last few weeks (my work has gotten much more demanding - and as a result, my 8-hours per week has turned into 20-30 hours), it's also been invigorating for me to step out of the mostly-mommy role and meet these professional demands.  To get recognition for getting the job done.  Yes, I've seen a bit less of the kids.  Yes, Mark has been a bit overwhelmed with every day me assuring him that this is the LAST day before it will get easier (then a deadline gets moved, or some scope gets added to my project).  Yes, I did pack up Ben in the car to take him to school despite knowing he wasn't feeling well, because well, I needed to get some work done.   To my credit, when he told me his ear hurt on the way to school, I did turn the car around and bring him home.  And put him in front of the TV for a couple episodes of Diego while I called into work hoping the baby would stay asleep and he would be appeased with the TV.  (FYI, that was short-lived - as soon as I was on my conference call, Ben came in wanting attention, so I paced the floor trying with him following me to keep him at bay while I finished up my call).

So it sounds insane, right?  It is sometimes.  But I also think if I stop expecting things to "settle down," and start planning for a more hectic, unreliable normal, then we'll be better prepared for all these "surprises."  And I can be more fair to everyone involved.  But it also means letting go of some control and doing things that maybe are less than ideal in my OCD world.  But compromise means compromise.  I can't be a perfect mom in all of this.  But if I gave up my work, I still wouldn't be a perfect mom.  So in some ways, I think it's time I stop trying, and I start facing the reality of the demands of our lives, and accept that a few things need to change.

Like we need more help with the household chores.  I could try to work less hours and devote more time to keeping up with our laundry and dishes.  But financially that wouldn't make sense --- I make more per hour than a housekeeper.  And truthfully, I would rather work than fold laundry.  And the number of hours I work is due to job demands, not really an arbitrary number --- so I'd have to face saying "no" at work to do this.  Not fun and not smart career-wise.  So this means getting over the (self-imposed) stigma or employing someone to do some of our domestic chores.  And giving up the control of doing them the way I would do them.  And giving a stranger access to our house.  All these things are hard for me to do.  But hard doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

And we need more help with child care.  This is really the hard one for me.  When my plans go perfectly, Mark and I can balance childcare needs between our two jobs.  But then there's the reality of things like Ben's third ear infection in two months, followed by today's call from school that he had jumped head first off the playground structure  (don't worry he seems okay --- he's napping at home now after I went to school to sign the "incident report form" (hard to believe this our first with this daredevil son), so I can keep an eye on him).  And then there are the daily uncertainties of what the manager's manager's manager will want from our workgroup (ASAP!) for our most recent project because what we are doing is new, and no one knows what to expect.


 So even though Katie is starting school in two months, I'm also looking into some of the benefits my company offers --- such as a back-up care nanny that you can call for one-off babysitting when needed to fulfill job demands.  Having a stranger come to my house to watch my children while I am gone is just shy of terrifying for me.  But just because it makes me nervous doesn't mean that it can't be done.  I just need to stop avoiding the idea and at least make the effort to find out what it involves so I can make a truly informed decision.

Just when I thought things would be quite for a few more moments, Katie has woken up early from her nap (of course).  So while this post may be a less than coherent post, it felt good to blog about this moment in our lives, and the things that are on my mind.  I think it's safe to say it's just another "normal" day in the Griffith household.  So it's time to accept what is our life and stop waiting for things to change.  Because they always will.

(and because the pictures have been lacking lately, here's one from a family photoshoot taken in December):