Saturday, October 22, 2011
Pictures!
We finally got some photos up from our roadie to Illinois. Click the link on the right side to see them!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Still Here
Wow, such a very, very, very long time since I put up a post. I do regret not posting more often to this blog --- particularly to document this stage of our lives for our children --- since this is the primary means for doing so. I just wrote in Katie's baby book...for the second time...ever. :)
This stage of life is so busy. And often hard. Most nights we're too exhausted to do much except crash on the couch to watch TV --- and even that is often unsuccessful, as one of us falls asleep moments after the show begins. Some nights one of us goes to bed with the second kid - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.
It's a daily struggle to decide what to spend time on. And while I know that I will want to remember as many details and moments from these days as I can in the future, immediate needs often seem more important. And I think that's where the balance comes in. Not from doing everything every day. But deciding on a focus area for the moment - usually whatever has gotten the most behind --- and getting that caught up - or at least closer to caught up - while everything else falls behind. And then you start with another area again.
That can be hard to manage for an OCD. :)
So today, taking a moment to document our lives seems like the most important. So the dishes and laundry may have to wait. But at least I can cross "write in baby books" off the to-do list, where it was noted months (a year?) ago.
And perhaps next week, I will write again in the blog - and it won't seem so overwhelming in figuring out where to start.
(BTW, does anyone still read this?!)
This stage of life is so busy. And often hard. Most nights we're too exhausted to do much except crash on the couch to watch TV --- and even that is often unsuccessful, as one of us falls asleep moments after the show begins. Some nights one of us goes to bed with the second kid - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.
It's a daily struggle to decide what to spend time on. And while I know that I will want to remember as many details and moments from these days as I can in the future, immediate needs often seem more important. And I think that's where the balance comes in. Not from doing everything every day. But deciding on a focus area for the moment - usually whatever has gotten the most behind --- and getting that caught up - or at least closer to caught up - while everything else falls behind. And then you start with another area again.
That can be hard to manage for an OCD. :)
So today, taking a moment to document our lives seems like the most important. So the dishes and laundry may have to wait. But at least I can cross "write in baby books" off the to-do list, where it was noted months (a year?) ago.
And perhaps next week, I will write again in the blog - and it won't seem so overwhelming in figuring out where to start.
(BTW, does anyone still read this?!)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Awesome Father's Day Gift
Hello friends! This is Mark writing - wow has it been forever since I've made a blog entry! The last few months have been pretty hectic, as you've seen in Katherine's last few posts. I'm writing from a hotel room in the lovely east Texas town of Lufkin. Some of you may remember the last time I took a trip to an east Texas hotel room from a previous blog entry: Best Gift Ever. Just over a week ago, on Father's Day, I got a certificate from Katherine and the kids offering another airplane-building trip. I know to some this is an odd gift to give your husband, but I think it's absolutely wonderful, and an indication of how well Katherine knows me. Even after four years, I still haven't totally adjusted to life with kids, and I really enjoy these little trips. First of all, there's the drive - Texas has some pretty scenery and it's such a treat just to let your mind wander uninterrupted for a few hours. Working on the airplane is so much fun. I love doing stuff with my hands - cooking, car repairs, etc - so it's rewarding in that way. It's also fun because it's a little version of one of my big dreams - to build a real airplane of a similar design. And of course, how often does a parent with young kids get to spend an entire day doing whatever he wants?
It really is a wonderful gift, and I'm very, VERY thankful to Katherine. With symphony concerts every weekend, she does a ton of the kids' evening routine (hardest part of the day for sure!) by herself. She's very giving to volunteer a few extra nights while I enjoy this most excellent father's day present. Another thing that makes this special is that I went on one of these trips just a couple months ago. This one was a total surprise! Thank you Katherine!
For those of you interested, here's the work I did on the plane. I finished putting the iron-on covering on the wing, managing to burn a hole in it with the heat gun. Bummer - had to iron on a patch piece. I mated the control surfaces (the moving parts) to the plane. Lots of precision cutting for that - took a while. I repainted one of the wheel pants which was dropped in some grass with previously applied wet paint. I installed the tailwheel axle and marked hole locations for access to the engine adjustments. Didn't have the right drill bit here so that will have to get done at home. Finally, I put on some color stripes! There's some more of that to do at home when I have another set of hands to help. Here are some pictures:
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It really is a wonderful gift, and I'm very, VERY thankful to Katherine. With symphony concerts every weekend, she does a ton of the kids' evening routine (hardest part of the day for sure!) by herself. She's very giving to volunteer a few extra nights while I enjoy this most excellent father's day present. Another thing that makes this special is that I went on one of these trips just a couple months ago. This one was a total surprise! Thank you Katherine!
For those of you interested, here's the work I did on the plane. I finished putting the iron-on covering on the wing, managing to burn a hole in it with the heat gun. Bummer - had to iron on a patch piece. I mated the control surfaces (the moving parts) to the plane. Lots of precision cutting for that - took a while. I repainted one of the wheel pants which was dropped in some grass with previously applied wet paint. I installed the tailwheel axle and marked hole locations for access to the engine adjustments. Didn't have the right drill bit here so that will have to get done at home. Finally, I put on some color stripes! There's some more of that to do at home when I have another set of hands to help. Here are some pictures:
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Next Phase
Wow - where do I begin? I have been so bad about updating this blog --- something I know I will regret --- I already do. But our lives have just seemed so busy - it feels like it's hard to keep up enough to just get through everything that needs to be done every day, and it just doesn't feel like there's enough time or energy left after it all to sit down and reflect on our lives.
But I do love capturing these memories - I often look back at old blog posts to remember what we were doing / how we were feeling when we were at earlier stages in our lives --- or at least the past few years, since we've been blogging.
And I love sharing these reflections with you, my friends, and hearing your thoughts back. For some of you, this is about the only form of communication I can seem to keep up with these days. Sorry about that. But this too, shall pass, and someday we will have older children and picking up the phone won't seem so difficult.
So how is it that I am managing to collect my thoughts enough and find the time to sit down and blog at 11:30 on a Wednesday afternoon?
It's because we have now entered "the next phase" for our family.
I am now officially a "regular" part-timer with my job --- which means I work 20-30 hours per week. At about the same time I returned to this status (May 1), I was also assigned a new role --- while still keeping many elements of my old role. So instead of trying to work a 20-hour per week job in 8 hours, I am now trying to work two part-time jobs in 20-30 hours per week. So goes life (remember the "There is no normal" post?). I feel like I'm at least getting used to the idea that life is just not going to go according to my plans (yes, it's only taken me 33 years to figure this one out) - and I'm learning to compromise a bit more. And while my work is very important to me, and I want to be reliable to my supervisors/co-workers, I'm trying to push back a little bit more so that every request at work doesn't come at the cost of my family. In fact, today, I was going to log in from home for a couple of hours and ultimately decided that what I was going to work on could wait until I am back in the office tomorrow. Go me. :)
So, May and the first part of June have been a little tough. Because I was working more hours and we still did not have Katie in school. We did discover and enroll Katie in a dedicated corporate back-up center (more on that later, maybe)? She went here two days a week for much of the month of May. This was an extroadinary benefit, and I am so grateful for being able to use this service. And then we had Ben's former babysitter, who is home from college, watch her a few mornings a week for the last part of May. But all that planning / juggling was tough.
Ben had a week off from school the first week of June, and my parents came out to celebrate his fourth birthday with us and help us out with the kids. I took that week off for vacation - to spend time with Ben and also hang out with Katie - as it was to be her last week home before starting school! We had a really nice visit and did some fun things together.
It blows my mind, though, that we now have a four year old son. Four seems so much older than three.
And last week Katie began and completed her transition (Friday was her first full day, including napping at school) into the Toddler community at Ben's (and now her's also!) school. This transition was SO much easier than beginning school with Ben. And by easier, I mean for me. Both kids have transitioned into school environments very easily --- no tears from either of them! But deciding to have Ben start school was difficult for me, and I faced a lot of doubts and fears in letting go of this control. With Katie it has been so much easier, as she started in the same room with the same two teachers that Ben did a few years ago. And the summer time classes are much smaller, so it's a more intimate environment.
The experience of helping Katie transition into school was a joyful and sentimental one for me. It brought back such vivid memories of spending time in the same classroom with Benjamin at a similar age (he was a few months older when we started him at this school). It made me miss my baby Benjamin, and made me sentimental that my baby Katie was no longer a baby, but a toddler. It almost brought tears to my eyes when I looked in the window at pick-up time to see her sleeping on her nap mat --- such a big girl, not my baby in a crib! And it made me sentimental that this very long, drawn out baby moon was coming to an end. I was no longer on maternity leave. I was no longer on a reduced, post-maternity leave work schedule. I no longer had a baby to tote around with me everywhere (although, truthfully, this part is mostly a relief!). I would now be in a new, "normal" schedule. Dropping two kids off at school, then going to work.
But it's also exciting to be able to do more things now that we have two kids, and not one child plus a baby. Part of this is that Katie is now walking --- really just began about a month ago. So it feels like she can do more, experience more and not just be along for the ride. And it is exciting to be able to regain some of myself back --- it's hard to not get all encompassed in motherhood. As the years (!) seem to zip by ever faster, I am increasingly aware of how very short these early, hard years of parenting are. I want to be able to recognize myself when I come out of this phase --- as much for me as for the rest of my family. I want to have interests and passions outside of raising children. I want to have activities and plans and dreams that Mark and I can share alone when we are empty nesters.
So it feels good to sit down on this Wednesday afternoon and do something that I want to do. Even if it means letting the dishes pile up a little higher, a few more emails sit unreplied to, and a couple of outstanding requests from colleagues wait for another day to get fulfilled. I hope nobody minds. :)
Perhaps dear blog readers, we will meet again next Wednesday?
Oh, I think I never officially stated how it is that I'm home without kids on a Wednesday...I've adjusted my work schedule so that I work four days per week, and spend one day a week at home while the kids are in school. Something that absolutely delights me, and I hope will help me keep balanced.
But I do love capturing these memories - I often look back at old blog posts to remember what we were doing / how we were feeling when we were at earlier stages in our lives --- or at least the past few years, since we've been blogging.
And I love sharing these reflections with you, my friends, and hearing your thoughts back. For some of you, this is about the only form of communication I can seem to keep up with these days. Sorry about that. But this too, shall pass, and someday we will have older children and picking up the phone won't seem so difficult.
So how is it that I am managing to collect my thoughts enough and find the time to sit down and blog at 11:30 on a Wednesday afternoon?
It's because we have now entered "the next phase" for our family.
I am now officially a "regular" part-timer with my job --- which means I work 20-30 hours per week. At about the same time I returned to this status (May 1), I was also assigned a new role --- while still keeping many elements of my old role. So instead of trying to work a 20-hour per week job in 8 hours, I am now trying to work two part-time jobs in 20-30 hours per week. So goes life (remember the "There is no normal" post?). I feel like I'm at least getting used to the idea that life is just not going to go according to my plans (yes, it's only taken me 33 years to figure this one out) - and I'm learning to compromise a bit more. And while my work is very important to me, and I want to be reliable to my supervisors/co-workers, I'm trying to push back a little bit more so that every request at work doesn't come at the cost of my family. In fact, today, I was going to log in from home for a couple of hours and ultimately decided that what I was going to work on could wait until I am back in the office tomorrow. Go me. :)
So, May and the first part of June have been a little tough. Because I was working more hours and we still did not have Katie in school. We did discover and enroll Katie in a dedicated corporate back-up center (more on that later, maybe)? She went here two days a week for much of the month of May. This was an extroadinary benefit, and I am so grateful for being able to use this service. And then we had Ben's former babysitter, who is home from college, watch her a few mornings a week for the last part of May. But all that planning / juggling was tough.
Ben had a week off from school the first week of June, and my parents came out to celebrate his fourth birthday with us and help us out with the kids. I took that week off for vacation - to spend time with Ben and also hang out with Katie - as it was to be her last week home before starting school! We had a really nice visit and did some fun things together.
It blows my mind, though, that we now have a four year old son. Four seems so much older than three.
And last week Katie began and completed her transition (Friday was her first full day, including napping at school) into the Toddler community at Ben's (and now her's also!) school. This transition was SO much easier than beginning school with Ben. And by easier, I mean for me. Both kids have transitioned into school environments very easily --- no tears from either of them! But deciding to have Ben start school was difficult for me, and I faced a lot of doubts and fears in letting go of this control. With Katie it has been so much easier, as she started in the same room with the same two teachers that Ben did a few years ago. And the summer time classes are much smaller, so it's a more intimate environment.
The experience of helping Katie transition into school was a joyful and sentimental one for me. It brought back such vivid memories of spending time in the same classroom with Benjamin at a similar age (he was a few months older when we started him at this school). It made me miss my baby Benjamin, and made me sentimental that my baby Katie was no longer a baby, but a toddler. It almost brought tears to my eyes when I looked in the window at pick-up time to see her sleeping on her nap mat --- such a big girl, not my baby in a crib! And it made me sentimental that this very long, drawn out baby moon was coming to an end. I was no longer on maternity leave. I was no longer on a reduced, post-maternity leave work schedule. I no longer had a baby to tote around with me everywhere (although, truthfully, this part is mostly a relief!). I would now be in a new, "normal" schedule. Dropping two kids off at school, then going to work.
But it's also exciting to be able to do more things now that we have two kids, and not one child plus a baby. Part of this is that Katie is now walking --- really just began about a month ago. So it feels like she can do more, experience more and not just be along for the ride. And it is exciting to be able to regain some of myself back --- it's hard to not get all encompassed in motherhood. As the years (!) seem to zip by ever faster, I am increasingly aware of how very short these early, hard years of parenting are. I want to be able to recognize myself when I come out of this phase --- as much for me as for the rest of my family. I want to have interests and passions outside of raising children. I want to have activities and plans and dreams that Mark and I can share alone when we are empty nesters.
So it feels good to sit down on this Wednesday afternoon and do something that I want to do. Even if it means letting the dishes pile up a little higher, a few more emails sit unreplied to, and a couple of outstanding requests from colleagues wait for another day to get fulfilled. I hope nobody minds. :)
Perhaps dear blog readers, we will meet again next Wednesday?
Oh, I think I never officially stated how it is that I'm home without kids on a Wednesday...I've adjusted my work schedule so that I work four days per week, and spend one day a week at home while the kids are in school. Something that absolutely delights me, and I hope will help me keep balanced.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Adorable Children
...if I do say so myself. :)
We've had three photo shoots since December (extended Griffith family, Katie only, and Katie & Ben) --- and I have yet to post more than the just one family picture in this Blog. So here is a picture from the most recent photo shoot. It made me smile immediately when I saw it.
I have so much more I would like to write about...returning to work on a "regular" part-time basis (20-30 hours per week) and my new role, our attempts to *do* something about frustrations in our lives (getting healthier, getting more help, etc.), and progress on recent Projects (our yard is being dug up as I write this!)...but that will all have to wait since I just got a call from Ben's school that he is not feeling well, so I need to go pick him up now. (as a reminder, see post below --- this is our life!)
In the meantime, enjoy the picture. How quickly they grow!
We've had three photo shoots since December (extended Griffith family, Katie only, and Katie & Ben) --- and I have yet to post more than the just one family picture in this Blog. So here is a picture from the most recent photo shoot. It made me smile immediately when I saw it.
I have so much more I would like to write about...returning to work on a "regular" part-time basis (20-30 hours per week) and my new role, our attempts to *do* something about frustrations in our lives (getting healthier, getting more help, etc.), and progress on recent Projects (our yard is being dug up as I write this!)...but that will all have to wait since I just got a call from Ben's school that he is not feeling well, so I need to go pick him up now. (as a reminder, see post below --- this is our life!)
In the meantime, enjoy the picture. How quickly they grow!
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
There is No Normal
I know I begin every post this way, but it does just amaze me how quickly the time is flying by --- and how very little I am blogging, despite all my intentions to blog, and all the things I want to share about the kids, our family life, etc.
Anyone who even knows me a little, knows how very OCD I can be. So it shouldn't be surprising that I feel such urgency to get everything in order --- and that often causes me to put "extra" things off until I gain a sense of control over whatever is out-of-order in the moment --- whether it be a cluttered house, things left undone for work, or a full email or inbox at home. But as we draw closer to the next "stage" of our family life --- me returning to work half-time, and Katie about to begin school, the reality is beginning to set in for me that there really is no "normal" when you are raising two young children with two variable work schedules.
I sort of keep waiting for our lives to "settle down" before I address some things that just need to be taken care of. Or I spend hours scripting the perfect plans to balance work demands and family life to have everything unravel by unexpected changes in agenda at work, or sick children at home. And the reality of our lives are that:
When the baby is taking 2-3 hour solid naps per day, everyone is healthy, and nothing unexpected happens at work, this is sometimes doable. But then I also don't feel like I am being fair to myself or my family to use all that napping time to get my paid work done --- because then I'm spending our family time trying to get all the other things done that are required to run a household or even just keeping up with my own personal life. Of I let those things go, and am in a state of frustration because of it.
And then throw in the days when Katie only takes a 20 minute catnap in the car, or my manager calls with some work that needs to be done by the end of the day, or Benjamin gets sick yet again, and all those great intentions are thrown out the window. And I'm left trying to distract an overtired, whiny baby while I desperately try to log into my company laptop (which has picked the perfect time to be not working yet AGAIN), while turning on another episode of Diego for my almost-four year old (this part thrills him, but makes me feel like a sub-standard parent), and then call my husband to ask if he can cancel his afternoon plans to take care of the kids yet AGAIN while I run to the office to finish up some work. Not fun. And not fair to anyone.
So what is the trade-off? Who compromises? What is the perfect balance?
I feel like I'm coming to peace with the idea that everyone compromises, and in the end there are advantages and disadvantages to doing things the way we do them. And even with our situation / and the sometimes sub-standard choices we make, if we changed approach, we would simply trade this for another situation and would make the occasional different sub-standard decisions. Because that's life - and there is no perfect solution. And I'm still convinced that our approach is the right way to approach our family (not every family, but our family). I need to pursue work. As stressful and complicated as our lives have been over the last few weeks (my work has gotten much more demanding - and as a result, my 8-hours per week has turned into 20-30 hours), it's also been invigorating for me to step out of the mostly-mommy role and meet these professional demands. To get recognition for getting the job done. Yes, I've seen a bit less of the kids. Yes, Mark has been a bit overwhelmed with every day me assuring him that this is the LAST day before it will get easier (then a deadline gets moved, or some scope gets added to my project). Yes, I did pack up Ben in the car to take him to school despite knowing he wasn't feeling well, because well, I needed to get some work done. To my credit, when he told me his ear hurt on the way to school, I did turn the car around and bring him home. And put him in front of the TV for a couple episodes of Diego while I called into work hoping the baby would stay asleep and he would be appeased with the TV. (FYI, that was short-lived - as soon as I was on my conference call, Ben came in wanting attention, so I paced the floor trying with him following me to keep him at bay while I finished up my call).
So it sounds insane, right? It is sometimes. But I also think if I stop expecting things to "settle down," and start planning for a more hectic, unreliable normal, then we'll be better prepared for all these "surprises." And I can be more fair to everyone involved. But it also means letting go of some control and doing things that maybe are less than ideal in my OCD world. But compromise means compromise. I can't be a perfect mom in all of this. But if I gave up my work, I still wouldn't be a perfect mom. So in some ways, I think it's time I stop trying, and I start facing the reality of the demands of our lives, and accept that a few things need to change.
Like we need more help with the household chores. I could try to work less hours and devote more time to keeping up with our laundry and dishes. But financially that wouldn't make sense --- I make more per hour than a housekeeper. And truthfully, I would rather work than fold laundry. And the number of hours I work is due to job demands, not really an arbitrary number --- so I'd have to face saying "no" at work to do this. Not fun and not smart career-wise. So this means getting over the (self-imposed) stigma or employing someone to do some of our domestic chores. And giving up the control of doing them the way I would do them. And giving a stranger access to our house. All these things are hard for me to do. But hard doesn't necessarily mean wrong.
And we need more help with child care. This is really the hard one for me. When my plans go perfectly, Mark and I can balance childcare needs between our two jobs. But then there's the reality of things like Ben's third ear infection in two months, followed by today's call from school that he had jumped head first off the playground structure (don't worry he seems okay --- he's napping at home now after I went to school to sign the "incident report form" (hard to believe this our first with this daredevil son), so I can keep an eye on him). And then there are the daily uncertainties of what the manager's manager's manager will want from our workgroup (ASAP!) for our most recent project because what we are doing is new, and no one knows what to expect.
So even though Katie is starting school in two months, I'm also looking into some of the benefits my company offers --- such as a back-up care nanny that you can call for one-off babysitting when needed to fulfill job demands. Having a stranger come to my house to watch my children while I am gone is just shy of terrifying for me. But just because it makes me nervous doesn't mean that it can't be done. I just need to stop avoiding the idea and at least make the effort to find out what it involves so I can make a truly informed decision.
Just when I thought things would be quite for a few more moments, Katie has woken up early from her nap (of course). So while this post may be a less than coherent post, it felt good to blog about this moment in our lives, and the things that are on my mind. I think it's safe to say it's just another "normal" day in the Griffith household. So it's time to accept what is our life and stop waiting for things to change. Because they always will.
(and because the pictures have been lacking lately, here's one from a family photoshoot taken in December):
Anyone who even knows me a little, knows how very OCD I can be. So it shouldn't be surprising that I feel such urgency to get everything in order --- and that often causes me to put "extra" things off until I gain a sense of control over whatever is out-of-order in the moment --- whether it be a cluttered house, things left undone for work, or a full email or inbox at home. But as we draw closer to the next "stage" of our family life --- me returning to work half-time, and Katie about to begin school, the reality is beginning to set in for me that there really is no "normal" when you are raising two young children with two variable work schedules.
I sort of keep waiting for our lives to "settle down" before I address some things that just need to be taken care of. Or I spend hours scripting the perfect plans to balance work demands and family life to have everything unravel by unexpected changes in agenda at work, or sick children at home. And the reality of our lives are that:
- (A) Our plans unravel very easily. Children are unpredictable in their needs. I am in a very unconventional position at work. My colleagues and manager are not used to accommodating such an unusual / reduced schedule --- and as such often put stress on me without realizing it (at least I don't think they realize it). When the plans unravel, we often don't have a lot of back-up choices.
- (B) We need more help --- in general, but particularly when (A) happens.
When the baby is taking 2-3 hour solid naps per day, everyone is healthy, and nothing unexpected happens at work, this is sometimes doable. But then I also don't feel like I am being fair to myself or my family to use all that napping time to get my paid work done --- because then I'm spending our family time trying to get all the other things done that are required to run a household or even just keeping up with my own personal life. Of I let those things go, and am in a state of frustration because of it.
And then throw in the days when Katie only takes a 20 minute catnap in the car, or my manager calls with some work that needs to be done by the end of the day, or Benjamin gets sick yet again, and all those great intentions are thrown out the window. And I'm left trying to distract an overtired, whiny baby while I desperately try to log into my company laptop (which has picked the perfect time to be not working yet AGAIN), while turning on another episode of Diego for my almost-four year old (this part thrills him, but makes me feel like a sub-standard parent), and then call my husband to ask if he can cancel his afternoon plans to take care of the kids yet AGAIN while I run to the office to finish up some work. Not fun. And not fair to anyone.
So what is the trade-off? Who compromises? What is the perfect balance?
I feel like I'm coming to peace with the idea that everyone compromises, and in the end there are advantages and disadvantages to doing things the way we do them. And even with our situation / and the sometimes sub-standard choices we make, if we changed approach, we would simply trade this for another situation and would make the occasional different sub-standard decisions. Because that's life - and there is no perfect solution. And I'm still convinced that our approach is the right way to approach our family (not every family, but our family). I need to pursue work. As stressful and complicated as our lives have been over the last few weeks (my work has gotten much more demanding - and as a result, my 8-hours per week has turned into 20-30 hours), it's also been invigorating for me to step out of the mostly-mommy role and meet these professional demands. To get recognition for getting the job done. Yes, I've seen a bit less of the kids. Yes, Mark has been a bit overwhelmed with every day me assuring him that this is the LAST day before it will get easier (then a deadline gets moved, or some scope gets added to my project). Yes, I did pack up Ben in the car to take him to school despite knowing he wasn't feeling well, because well, I needed to get some work done. To my credit, when he told me his ear hurt on the way to school, I did turn the car around and bring him home. And put him in front of the TV for a couple episodes of Diego while I called into work hoping the baby would stay asleep and he would be appeased with the TV. (FYI, that was short-lived - as soon as I was on my conference call, Ben came in wanting attention, so I paced the floor trying with him following me to keep him at bay while I finished up my call).
So it sounds insane, right? It is sometimes. But I also think if I stop expecting things to "settle down," and start planning for a more hectic, unreliable normal, then we'll be better prepared for all these "surprises." And I can be more fair to everyone involved. But it also means letting go of some control and doing things that maybe are less than ideal in my OCD world. But compromise means compromise. I can't be a perfect mom in all of this. But if I gave up my work, I still wouldn't be a perfect mom. So in some ways, I think it's time I stop trying, and I start facing the reality of the demands of our lives, and accept that a few things need to change.
Like we need more help with the household chores. I could try to work less hours and devote more time to keeping up with our laundry and dishes. But financially that wouldn't make sense --- I make more per hour than a housekeeper. And truthfully, I would rather work than fold laundry. And the number of hours I work is due to job demands, not really an arbitrary number --- so I'd have to face saying "no" at work to do this. Not fun and not smart career-wise. So this means getting over the (self-imposed) stigma or employing someone to do some of our domestic chores. And giving up the control of doing them the way I would do them. And giving a stranger access to our house. All these things are hard for me to do. But hard doesn't necessarily mean wrong.
And we need more help with child care. This is really the hard one for me. When my plans go perfectly, Mark and I can balance childcare needs between our two jobs. But then there's the reality of things like Ben's third ear infection in two months, followed by today's call from school that he had jumped head first off the playground structure (don't worry he seems okay --- he's napping at home now after I went to school to sign the "incident report form" (hard to believe this our first with this daredevil son), so I can keep an eye on him). And then there are the daily uncertainties of what the manager's manager's manager will want from our workgroup (ASAP!) for our most recent project because what we are doing is new, and no one knows what to expect.
So even though Katie is starting school in two months, I'm also looking into some of the benefits my company offers --- such as a back-up care nanny that you can call for one-off babysitting when needed to fulfill job demands. Having a stranger come to my house to watch my children while I am gone is just shy of terrifying for me. But just because it makes me nervous doesn't mean that it can't be done. I just need to stop avoiding the idea and at least make the effort to find out what it involves so I can make a truly informed decision.
Just when I thought things would be quite for a few more moments, Katie has woken up early from her nap (of course). So while this post may be a less than coherent post, it felt good to blog about this moment in our lives, and the things that are on my mind. I think it's safe to say it's just another "normal" day in the Griffith household. So it's time to accept what is our life and stop waiting for things to change. Because they always will.
(and because the pictures have been lacking lately, here's one from a family photoshoot taken in December):
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Cleveland
Wow, has it really been 2.5 months since I wrote a blog post? Clearly, blogging has not made it to the top of my list lately. I really do enjoy blogging, and I love documenting little details about our lives for our children to read later. There are quite a few things I want to blog about, but before too much more time passes, I really want to write about our recent "adventure" back into the world of percussion auditions. And with the help of our new favorite person (aka Ben & Katie's new babysitter!), I have about 1.5 hours of uninterrupted computer time right now - so I am sitting here in Panera with my iced tea and computer, while Mark sits across from me reading his airplane book. Quite luxurious for a Saturday afternoon! So, here we go.
So as you probably gathered, Mark recently took an audition with the Cleveland Orchestra (no need to read ahead, he did not win it, and we are staying here in Houston). :) This was an unusual audition for a number of reasons, which I will explain shortly. But what an adventure we had as he got ready for this one! The last audition Mark took was when Ben was about 4 months old, and it was a horrible, horrible experience. Obviously, we were still adjusting to life with a baby, I had recently returned to work (and had not yet figured out how to work part-time, so was working very long hours with no babysitter/daycare), Mark had his usual work with the Houston Symphony, and also had taken on a couple of additional musical engagements. We were stressed out, worn out and generally miserable. On top of all that, the audition process was unfair, and we felt like all that hard work was for naught. I don't remember if we consciously decided at that point that this was going to be his last audition, but over the next few years, I came to really appreciate my job (see previous post 'Working Girl' for a few of the reasons why), we developed some really good friends, and came to like Houston pretty well (except for the last few months of summer, when the heat and most notably the mosquitos hang around just a little too long).
There have actually been quite a few auditions in the last few years, and Mark would always casually mention what was coming up, but it would be in passing, and we never considered taking another audition very seriously. And that's even the case when an audition for the Principal Percussionist with the Cleveland Orchestra was announced in May. Truthfully, I don't even remember Mark talking much about it. Of course the timing probably couldn't have been worse --- we were still adjusting to our very loud newborn daughter, and had our "map" all laid out of my maternity leave, return to work, etc.
However, this was not just another percussion job. First, it's the Cleveland Orchestra --- which is one of (if not the) best orchestras in the world. And this was the principal percussionist position. So top dog in the top symphony. No small potatoes.
But, again, we are happy in Houston. That would have been a very different summer if Mark had been trying to get ready for an audition. And the Cleveland style is a bit different than many other orchestras, and Mark didn't think his style of playing would be a great match. But out of curiosity, Mark sent in his resume to see if he would be invited to audition. And he was. But still with very little conversation about the audition, we let that one slide into the list of the others that had come up over the past few years that Mark sat out.
The audition was held in September. About a dozen percussionists were invited to play, and one percussionist was of particular interest to the audition committee, but being rather young, he was not selected for the job. So there was no "winner" for this audition.
Then, right after Thanksgiving, Mark received a call from the personnel manager of the Cleveland Orchestra inviting him to a second audition. This one was not going to follow standard protocol. First, they would be flying Mark out for the audition and putting him up in a hotel (usually travel/lodging are paid for by the auditionee). The audition would not be screened, and it was limited to a handful (7 to be exact) of percussionists that were individually selected by someone (we still don't know who, but we think it was the music director).
This was a huge honor. But still, we had our minds set that Houston was our home. How could I give up my great part-time work situation? So while we were impressed by the invitation, Mark planned to turn it down.
But then something happened. Mark brought up the audition again over the next couple of days. And he talked about it again. Clearly, this was not an easy audition for him to turn down. So we started to talk about it. And I think, that's where the real adventure began.
So what was there to decide? While it may seem "obvious" that this prestigious position would be Mark's preference, it was not so easy. First, Mark has a lot of outside interests besides the symphony. And his current position allows him much more free time to pursue all of these interests. As a section percussionist with the Houston Symphony, he gets more time off, since if there is just one percussionist needed for a piece, the principal percussionist plays, and Mark gets that concert off. He also doesn't have to spend all that extra time assigning parts, procuring instruments, or dealing with personnel matters. Was he willing to give up / delay some of his other interests (namely flying and his desire to build an experimental aircraft)? Where did work fit into Mark's big picture of happiness?
Then we also learned that there were some major personnel issues within the percussion section --- a few wild card personalities that clashed pretty dramatically (including a lawsuit between the timpanist and one of the percussionists). Did Mark want to deal with this drama daily?
Then there was of course all the change that this would mean for me. First, I've been really happy at work lately. Obviously all the flexibility is great --- but I'm also succeeding there. I fit well within the culture, and I have a good reputation with my colleagues. It was hard to imagine giving that up, and trying to start new somewhere else. But I wouldn't say that my job is my passion --- so I also knew that I couldn't let Mark give up such a great opportunity without further exploring my other options. But still, I was worried about how I could find part-time work in a new place. But then we got talking some more. What if I didn't have to work? The Cleveland position would practically double Mark's salary. So I could just stay home. Wow. If that were really a choice, would I want to do it? How would I feel being in a more "traditional" role --- doing most of the child care by myself while Mark was at work (which would now be considerably more hours).
Then there was the travel. The Cleveland Orchestra is on tour for 8-10 weeks per year. Would I be miserable in a new town, home alone with two young children for that many weeks in the first few years? I figured it would get easier over time, as we got used to the arrangement, and the children weren't quite so needy. It was a lot to process.
But we kept talking about it over the next few days. We began to realize that Mark needed to take this audition. We didn't want to face the "what if" if we changed our minds later - to not have even tried.
So what if Mark took this audition...and won? Could we stop there? Could he really turn it down if we decided that it wasn't what we wanted? There is a one year "probationary" period before tenure is granted. So there is a chance that even if he won the job and we moved our family out to Cleveland, that he could be fired after a year. Fortunately, the Houston Symphony allows a one year leave of absence, so he should be able to return to his job if that were to happen. But what about me? Did I want to leave my job if there was a chance I would be looking for work again in a year? We briefly tossed around the idea of me staying in Houston with the kids while Mark spent his first year in the Cleveland Orchestra. But that sounded pretty miserable.
So ultimately, we never truly decided what Mark would do if he were to win. And, truthfully, I think we are both a bit relieved that we didn't have to make that decision. In the weeks he spent preparing for the audition, I went back and forth about whether I wanted him to win it or not. It was such a strange experience to really, truly have either outcome be okay. Part of me wanted the "adventure" of picking up and moving someplace new --- particularly to the midwest, which still feels like home to me even though I no longer have family there. But I also love our life here, so there were some days that I wanted to just return to our regular lives without having things shaken up too much.
But besides the excitement of a potential change, and the closeness we experienced in re-examining our lives and our roles, other good things came out of this audition. First, a lot of our career-focus or career conversations have been around my career. Every year or so I am assigned a new role, and I go through an annual performance appraisal where I get concrete feedback about my performance and my potential. So it was a good experience to move into a supportive role for Mark as he pursued a career opportunity. I tried to free him up as much as possible so he could not only practice, but also just to give him some room to get into the mental frame of mind that's needed for an audition. There is so much more to auditioning than just practicing --- but I'm hoping Mark may follow my blog post with one of his own accounting for the audition experience, so I'll leave it at that. It felt good to be able to support him in something so important --- where, traditionally it's been about how I can squeeze in more hours at work.
Another good thing that came out of the audition was Mark's renewed vigor for excellence in his playing, and confidence in himself. It's easy to slide into mediocrity when you have tenure with an orchestra. It was good for Mark to refine his percussion skills and really spend some intense time with the instruments.
And one final "plus" that came out of this audition is our lives seem so much easier now by comparison! Truthfully, I think the kids are at an easier age (Ben is 3.5, Katie is 10 months), but when we also don't need to squeeze an extra 4 hours out of the day for Mark to practice, life just seems so much more relaxed! We're enjoying settling back into our routine (the audition was in mid-January, a month ago) --- resuming our focus on being healthier (I still need to lose 20 pounds of baby weight, and Mark wants to lose about the same (although he has already lost 25 pounds!)), working on projects around the house (drainage complete, and fence tear down also complete!), and trying to just enjoy these precious days with our young family.
Time to wrap this up and get home to the kiddos. But I'd have to say, this is the best audition that Mark never won! :)
So as you probably gathered, Mark recently took an audition with the Cleveland Orchestra (no need to read ahead, he did not win it, and we are staying here in Houston). :) This was an unusual audition for a number of reasons, which I will explain shortly. But what an adventure we had as he got ready for this one! The last audition Mark took was when Ben was about 4 months old, and it was a horrible, horrible experience. Obviously, we were still adjusting to life with a baby, I had recently returned to work (and had not yet figured out how to work part-time, so was working very long hours with no babysitter/daycare), Mark had his usual work with the Houston Symphony, and also had taken on a couple of additional musical engagements. We were stressed out, worn out and generally miserable. On top of all that, the audition process was unfair, and we felt like all that hard work was for naught. I don't remember if we consciously decided at that point that this was going to be his last audition, but over the next few years, I came to really appreciate my job (see previous post 'Working Girl' for a few of the reasons why), we developed some really good friends, and came to like Houston pretty well (except for the last few months of summer, when the heat and most notably the mosquitos hang around just a little too long).
There have actually been quite a few auditions in the last few years, and Mark would always casually mention what was coming up, but it would be in passing, and we never considered taking another audition very seriously. And that's even the case when an audition for the Principal Percussionist with the Cleveland Orchestra was announced in May. Truthfully, I don't even remember Mark talking much about it. Of course the timing probably couldn't have been worse --- we were still adjusting to our very loud newborn daughter, and had our "map" all laid out of my maternity leave, return to work, etc.
However, this was not just another percussion job. First, it's the Cleveland Orchestra --- which is one of (if not the) best orchestras in the world. And this was the principal percussionist position. So top dog in the top symphony. No small potatoes.
But, again, we are happy in Houston. That would have been a very different summer if Mark had been trying to get ready for an audition. And the Cleveland style is a bit different than many other orchestras, and Mark didn't think his style of playing would be a great match. But out of curiosity, Mark sent in his resume to see if he would be invited to audition. And he was. But still with very little conversation about the audition, we let that one slide into the list of the others that had come up over the past few years that Mark sat out.
The audition was held in September. About a dozen percussionists were invited to play, and one percussionist was of particular interest to the audition committee, but being rather young, he was not selected for the job. So there was no "winner" for this audition.
Then, right after Thanksgiving, Mark received a call from the personnel manager of the Cleveland Orchestra inviting him to a second audition. This one was not going to follow standard protocol. First, they would be flying Mark out for the audition and putting him up in a hotel (usually travel/lodging are paid for by the auditionee). The audition would not be screened, and it was limited to a handful (7 to be exact) of percussionists that were individually selected by someone (we still don't know who, but we think it was the music director).
This was a huge honor. But still, we had our minds set that Houston was our home. How could I give up my great part-time work situation? So while we were impressed by the invitation, Mark planned to turn it down.
But then something happened. Mark brought up the audition again over the next couple of days. And he talked about it again. Clearly, this was not an easy audition for him to turn down. So we started to talk about it. And I think, that's where the real adventure began.
So what was there to decide? While it may seem "obvious" that this prestigious position would be Mark's preference, it was not so easy. First, Mark has a lot of outside interests besides the symphony. And his current position allows him much more free time to pursue all of these interests. As a section percussionist with the Houston Symphony, he gets more time off, since if there is just one percussionist needed for a piece, the principal percussionist plays, and Mark gets that concert off. He also doesn't have to spend all that extra time assigning parts, procuring instruments, or dealing with personnel matters. Was he willing to give up / delay some of his other interests (namely flying and his desire to build an experimental aircraft)? Where did work fit into Mark's big picture of happiness?
Then we also learned that there were some major personnel issues within the percussion section --- a few wild card personalities that clashed pretty dramatically (including a lawsuit between the timpanist and one of the percussionists). Did Mark want to deal with this drama daily?
Then there was of course all the change that this would mean for me. First, I've been really happy at work lately. Obviously all the flexibility is great --- but I'm also succeeding there. I fit well within the culture, and I have a good reputation with my colleagues. It was hard to imagine giving that up, and trying to start new somewhere else. But I wouldn't say that my job is my passion --- so I also knew that I couldn't let Mark give up such a great opportunity without further exploring my other options. But still, I was worried about how I could find part-time work in a new place. But then we got talking some more. What if I didn't have to work? The Cleveland position would practically double Mark's salary. So I could just stay home. Wow. If that were really a choice, would I want to do it? How would I feel being in a more "traditional" role --- doing most of the child care by myself while Mark was at work (which would now be considerably more hours).
Then there was the travel. The Cleveland Orchestra is on tour for 8-10 weeks per year. Would I be miserable in a new town, home alone with two young children for that many weeks in the first few years? I figured it would get easier over time, as we got used to the arrangement, and the children weren't quite so needy. It was a lot to process.
But we kept talking about it over the next few days. We began to realize that Mark needed to take this audition. We didn't want to face the "what if" if we changed our minds later - to not have even tried.
So what if Mark took this audition...and won? Could we stop there? Could he really turn it down if we decided that it wasn't what we wanted? There is a one year "probationary" period before tenure is granted. So there is a chance that even if he won the job and we moved our family out to Cleveland, that he could be fired after a year. Fortunately, the Houston Symphony allows a one year leave of absence, so he should be able to return to his job if that were to happen. But what about me? Did I want to leave my job if there was a chance I would be looking for work again in a year? We briefly tossed around the idea of me staying in Houston with the kids while Mark spent his first year in the Cleveland Orchestra. But that sounded pretty miserable.
So ultimately, we never truly decided what Mark would do if he were to win. And, truthfully, I think we are both a bit relieved that we didn't have to make that decision. In the weeks he spent preparing for the audition, I went back and forth about whether I wanted him to win it or not. It was such a strange experience to really, truly have either outcome be okay. Part of me wanted the "adventure" of picking up and moving someplace new --- particularly to the midwest, which still feels like home to me even though I no longer have family there. But I also love our life here, so there were some days that I wanted to just return to our regular lives without having things shaken up too much.
But besides the excitement of a potential change, and the closeness we experienced in re-examining our lives and our roles, other good things came out of this audition. First, a lot of our career-focus or career conversations have been around my career. Every year or so I am assigned a new role, and I go through an annual performance appraisal where I get concrete feedback about my performance and my potential. So it was a good experience to move into a supportive role for Mark as he pursued a career opportunity. I tried to free him up as much as possible so he could not only practice, but also just to give him some room to get into the mental frame of mind that's needed for an audition. There is so much more to auditioning than just practicing --- but I'm hoping Mark may follow my blog post with one of his own accounting for the audition experience, so I'll leave it at that. It felt good to be able to support him in something so important --- where, traditionally it's been about how I can squeeze in more hours at work.
Another good thing that came out of the audition was Mark's renewed vigor for excellence in his playing, and confidence in himself. It's easy to slide into mediocrity when you have tenure with an orchestra. It was good for Mark to refine his percussion skills and really spend some intense time with the instruments.
And one final "plus" that came out of this audition is our lives seem so much easier now by comparison! Truthfully, I think the kids are at an easier age (Ben is 3.5, Katie is 10 months), but when we also don't need to squeeze an extra 4 hours out of the day for Mark to practice, life just seems so much more relaxed! We're enjoying settling back into our routine (the audition was in mid-January, a month ago) --- resuming our focus on being healthier (I still need to lose 20 pounds of baby weight, and Mark wants to lose about the same (although he has already lost 25 pounds!)), working on projects around the house (drainage complete, and fence tear down also complete!), and trying to just enjoy these precious days with our young family.
Time to wrap this up and get home to the kiddos. But I'd have to say, this is the best audition that Mark never won! :)
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