I've thought, read and talked with friends a lot about the "ideal" spacing for children lately. Sort of funny, considering the fact that you could count on one hand the number of days that Mark and I have both been able to get a full night of sleep. Not so much because we're ready to jump on the band wagon and get moving to try for our next child - but because the decision affects so many other things... how long I work part-time, how we balance childcare when it's time to go back to work fulltime, etc...
In what I naively thought would be a simple decision - I've learned is really a complicated answer with no perfect solution (which I should figure out, is like every other decision you make as a parent). We bounce back and forth daily, if not hourly, on whether we'd like to space our children closely together or further apart. And this is all assuming it's our conscious choice.
I'll write more later on what's pulling me in each direction, but in the meantime, for those of you who are not bored to tears with all my parenting-issue blog entries, here are a couple of links that argue each side of the case. In my reading so far, it seems that the popular advice by "experts" is to space your children further apart. However, most of my friends have been consciously practicing spacing their children closely (ie around 2 years apart). I would LOVE to hear all of your opinions out there!!
The first is a link for the space-your-kids far apart (by the infamous Burton White, himself!):
http://www.empathicparenting.org/closely.html
Here is a rather unique link I found to counter this argument:
http://parenting.ivillage.com/ttc/ttcprep/0,,8x7k,00.html
So what do you think?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, March 07, 2008
February Pictures Are Up!
Two posts in one day - not bad! Mark was nice enough to post our pictures from February on our Picasa site. Enjoy! And have a great weekend!
PS. Sleep update: After sleeping through the night Tuesday night, we had a HORRIBLE night on Wednesday - he woke up at 10 PM, and we struggled on and off to get him to sleep until 1:45. But then last night he slept through the night again, no problems!
PS. Sleep update: After sleeping through the night Tuesday night, we had a HORRIBLE night on Wednesday - he woke up at 10 PM, and we struggled on and off to get him to sleep until 1:45. But then last night he slept through the night again, no problems!
Parenting Books
A few friends have been generous to share their favorite parenting books with me (particularly sleep books!), so I thought I would return the favor en mass. So for those of you who who are not into parenting books, you may just want to skip this post. :)
Also, books are not in any logical order - just in the order found on my bookshelf. :)
1. Baby Signs - Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn. We've decided to try to teach Benjamin baby signs in the hopes that it will decrease all of our frustration in trying to communicate - particularly around meal time. The book was interesting to read (not all the way through), but really, you could probably just look up the signs you are interested in online and be just as well off. The only one we use consistently so far is "drink" and "no (thank you)". He seems to get no - or at least he shakes his head no when we offer him a drink - but I can't quite tell if he really gets it yet, because sometimes he'll shake his head no, and then take a drink anyways. Is he simply changing his mind, or does he think it's just a common courtesy to shake your head back and forth when offered a drink, even if you don't want it? The other one we're starting to use often is panting for "dog." He is so fascinated by Will, and he seems to think it's funny when we pant, so that's definitely a keeper. Oh, we do also use the shirt tugging for nursing. This kid has yet to turn down a nursing, and particularly when I've been at work for a few hours, and he desperately wants to nurse, when I ask him, he'll kick his legs (actually looks like his whole body is bouncing) quite energetically. Perhaps that's his "yes." :)
2. Games to Play with Babies - Jackie Silberg. My mom bought this a few years ago for our oldest nephew, and it intrigued me, so I bought a copy myself when Ben was just a few months old. Not super helpful. I think some of the early games were fun, but I looked through it again when Ben was about 8 months old, and didn't get much out of it. BTW - I buy a lot of my books now from abebooks.com. You can find many books for $1, and then it's usually $3-4 for shipping.
3. The Baby Whisperer and The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems - Tracy Hogg. I'm a really big fan of the Baby Whisperer. I think I first read it when Ben was 2-3 months old, and we hadn't worked out any kind of schedule, and I didn't really get that babies cry when they are tired. (Yes, duh, I know - but it just never occur ed to us). Her schedule of EASY (Eat - Activity - Sleep - You) really helped us out a ton. We didn't stick to it exactly (Ben ate every 2 hours - her minimum between feedings is 2.5 hours), but it gave us the start for a routine, and helped us figure out when Ben might be hungry versus tired. I've been told it's a kinder, gentler version of Baby Wise (which I was warned not to read, or I would automatically feel like a bad parent, no matter what I was doing). We got the Solves Your Problems book - because her first book doesn't really go a lot into how to fix "accidental parenting" - and I needed more help during our first bout of sleep training. This book helped - although I don't think we exactly went by her methodology.
4. Good Night, Sleep Tight - Kim West. This is another sleep book, and I really like West's philosophy, and it's written in such a way that it doesn't make you feel like a bad parent if your child has sleep problems, and it gives you hope that you can reverse it no matter how old your baby is. I read her chapter on 9-12 month olds during this last bought of sleep training/night weaning. We didn't adhere to it exactly, but she had good information about why babies wake frequently, and assured us that Ben could sleep through the night - that we wouldn't be starving or wounding his emotional stability by doing so. She was also convincing in helping us realize he needed more sleep than he was getting - stating that many parents just think that their baby needs less sleep than he actually does. We have a much less whiny child on our hands now that he's getting better sleep.
5. Baby Makes Three - Gottman & Gottman. I got this for Christmas from my parents. I think it's about how to rekindle or keep the romance in your marriage alive after having a baby. I haven't read it yet. But I can tell you that enough sleep certainly helps in that department. :) Not sure how much help a book is going to be if you'd always rather sleep. :)
6. The New First Three Years - Burton White. BEWARE! A friend referred to this book once during a discussion about how far apart to space your children. I was intrigued and bought it. This is a book that will make you feel guilty (perhaps like Baby Wise?) - stating pretty emphatically that YOU are responsible for your child's personality, and whether you have a happy, pleasant mini-companion or a selfish, complaining, whiny child. Yikes!! It's sort of funny, because he's been around for a while, and my mom actually had a bad bought of parental guilt when my sister and I were young from reading this book (even more conservative back in the 70s). I knew that a book had given her a hard time, but didn't know it was THIS one until I read it myself.
That being said, his argument for spacing is interesting (but not necessarily accurate - as I've seen closely spaced children get along beautifully and further spaced children fight like the dickens). I also like his explanations of which toys are helpful and which are useless. And finally, it did give the conviction that we need to start thinking about disciplining now - which will hopefully be helpful in the long run. Final warning - if you are easily convinced/guilted by parenting book authors (which I am) - you may want to skip this book - or at least just jump to the sections about toys, etc. that you are interested in.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems - Ferber. This is the infamous "Ferber" method. I actually haven't read it, but my pediatrician recommended it when I told him we were having sleep issues (mixed feelings about this recommendation from him!). And I thought I would like to at least see for myself what all the hype is about. I do hope to read it someday - as I'm curious about how he fills a whole book with what people often say is just "let the baby cry" method.
What to Expect the First Year - Eisenbreg, Murkoff, and Hathaway. I read this book like crazy during Ben's first four months. Mostly because I didn't have many parenting books to read, and it felt like in some ways we were waiting forever for him to just do something. I haven't touched it really in the last few months. It's an okay book - I wouldn't necessarily recommend for or against it. It's nice to have something that will help you know what's coming, but I'm not sure this book does a great job of it.
Touchpoints - Brazelton. This book was recommended by an instructor for our newborn care class that we took at the hospital. I think it's okay - but didn't get a whole lot out of it really. I haven't read it since Ben was probably 4-5 months old (it's one of those those month-to-month types, but focuses on the doctor's visits - so it's spaced accordingly (ie what he would see at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, etc). I may actually check back in it now, since it's been a while.
Dr. Spock's Baby & Childcare - Benjamin Spock. Classic. I haven't used it a lot - but it is helpful when I have. My mom got it for me when Ben was a newborn and I was freaking out about whether to give him a pacifier. I think he has a good middle-of-the road approach. His section on what to do/what to look for when a baby falls (and he makes you feel better stating that he likely will eventually fall) was really helpful when Benjamin rolled off our bed. It didn't keep me from freaking out enough to call the doctor on a Sunday afternoon, though. :) Why do these things ALWAYS happen when the doctor's office is closed, anyways?
First Meals - Karmel. This was a gift from my parents, I haven't read it yet.
Fresh Start Cworkbook - Ahlers & Tallman. I haven't really read this one either, although I did print out a chart about when to introduce different foods from it - which we have posted on our fridge and helped us figure out how to introduce the foods past the rice cereal for the next few months. Ben's never been a big fan of strained foods - much preferring finger foods - so we've never really gotten into making baby food.
Honey for a Child's Heart - Hunt. This was a gift from my mother-in-law (who happens to have a degree as a children's librarian). As we're getting more into books, this has actually been really helpful - as there really are some pretty dumb kids books out there - even for babies! We ordered a bunch of the board books recommended from this list (Abe Books - highly recommend it!). Our current favorites are Jamberry and Hand, Hand, Finger, Thumb (probably because they are quite percussive sounding in their rhymes and rhythms!)
Supernanny - Jo Frost. Yes, this is a book by the star of the Supernanny TV show. Haven't gotten into it too much, as Ben's too young I think. But we found it in a thrift store when I was pregnant, and we like her approach (at least on TV), so we have a copy. I actually have it out in my pile to read soon.
The Baby Book - Williams Sears. This was a gift. Sears is a big proponent in attachment parenting, and for some reason this book also gave me the guilt factor (although I'm not sure that's a common response). Truthfully, I haven't read into this one too much - but it did seem extreme enough and guilted me early enough that I just put it down (which is not a normal response for me - usually that effect just sucks me in even more!)
Love & Logic for Early Childhood - Fay & Fay and Parenting with Love & Logic - Cline & Fay. My mother sent these to me in response to finding out that I had read the Burton White book. I think it's focused on discipline and communicating with your child - with a win-win philosophy. On my stack of books to read soon, too.
Whew, so those are the books on my bookshelf right now. I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these books - or a few favorites of your own!
Happy parenting!
Also, books are not in any logical order - just in the order found on my bookshelf. :)
1. Baby Signs - Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn. We've decided to try to teach Benjamin baby signs in the hopes that it will decrease all of our frustration in trying to communicate - particularly around meal time. The book was interesting to read (not all the way through), but really, you could probably just look up the signs you are interested in online and be just as well off. The only one we use consistently so far is "drink" and "no (thank you)". He seems to get no - or at least he shakes his head no when we offer him a drink - but I can't quite tell if he really gets it yet, because sometimes he'll shake his head no, and then take a drink anyways. Is he simply changing his mind, or does he think it's just a common courtesy to shake your head back and forth when offered a drink, even if you don't want it? The other one we're starting to use often is panting for "dog." He is so fascinated by Will, and he seems to think it's funny when we pant, so that's definitely a keeper. Oh, we do also use the shirt tugging for nursing. This kid has yet to turn down a nursing, and particularly when I've been at work for a few hours, and he desperately wants to nurse, when I ask him, he'll kick his legs (actually looks like his whole body is bouncing) quite energetically. Perhaps that's his "yes." :)
2. Games to Play with Babies - Jackie Silberg. My mom bought this a few years ago for our oldest nephew, and it intrigued me, so I bought a copy myself when Ben was just a few months old. Not super helpful. I think some of the early games were fun, but I looked through it again when Ben was about 8 months old, and didn't get much out of it. BTW - I buy a lot of my books now from abebooks.com. You can find many books for $1, and then it's usually $3-4 for shipping.
3. The Baby Whisperer and The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems - Tracy Hogg. I'm a really big fan of the Baby Whisperer. I think I first read it when Ben was 2-3 months old, and we hadn't worked out any kind of schedule, and I didn't really get that babies cry when they are tired. (Yes, duh, I know - but it just never occur ed to us). Her schedule of EASY (Eat - Activity - Sleep - You) really helped us out a ton. We didn't stick to it exactly (Ben ate every 2 hours - her minimum between feedings is 2.5 hours), but it gave us the start for a routine, and helped us figure out when Ben might be hungry versus tired. I've been told it's a kinder, gentler version of Baby Wise (which I was warned not to read, or I would automatically feel like a bad parent, no matter what I was doing). We got the Solves Your Problems book - because her first book doesn't really go a lot into how to fix "accidental parenting" - and I needed more help during our first bout of sleep training. This book helped - although I don't think we exactly went by her methodology.
4. Good Night, Sleep Tight - Kim West. This is another sleep book, and I really like West's philosophy, and it's written in such a way that it doesn't make you feel like a bad parent if your child has sleep problems, and it gives you hope that you can reverse it no matter how old your baby is. I read her chapter on 9-12 month olds during this last bought of sleep training/night weaning. We didn't adhere to it exactly, but she had good information about why babies wake frequently, and assured us that Ben could sleep through the night - that we wouldn't be starving or wounding his emotional stability by doing so. She was also convincing in helping us realize he needed more sleep than he was getting - stating that many parents just think that their baby needs less sleep than he actually does. We have a much less whiny child on our hands now that he's getting better sleep.
5. Baby Makes Three - Gottman & Gottman. I got this for Christmas from my parents. I think it's about how to rekindle or keep the romance in your marriage alive after having a baby. I haven't read it yet. But I can tell you that enough sleep certainly helps in that department. :) Not sure how much help a book is going to be if you'd always rather sleep. :)
6. The New First Three Years - Burton White. BEWARE! A friend referred to this book once during a discussion about how far apart to space your children. I was intrigued and bought it. This is a book that will make you feel guilty (perhaps like Baby Wise?) - stating pretty emphatically that YOU are responsible for your child's personality, and whether you have a happy, pleasant mini-companion or a selfish, complaining, whiny child. Yikes!! It's sort of funny, because he's been around for a while, and my mom actually had a bad bought of parental guilt when my sister and I were young from reading this book (even more conservative back in the 70s). I knew that a book had given her a hard time, but didn't know it was THIS one until I read it myself.
That being said, his argument for spacing is interesting (but not necessarily accurate - as I've seen closely spaced children get along beautifully and further spaced children fight like the dickens). I also like his explanations of which toys are helpful and which are useless. And finally, it did give the conviction that we need to start thinking about disciplining now - which will hopefully be helpful in the long run. Final warning - if you are easily convinced/guilted by parenting book authors (which I am) - you may want to skip this book - or at least just jump to the sections about toys, etc. that you are interested in.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems - Ferber. This is the infamous "Ferber" method. I actually haven't read it, but my pediatrician recommended it when I told him we were having sleep issues (mixed feelings about this recommendation from him!). And I thought I would like to at least see for myself what all the hype is about. I do hope to read it someday - as I'm curious about how he fills a whole book with what people often say is just "let the baby cry" method.
What to Expect the First Year - Eisenbreg, Murkoff, and Hathaway. I read this book like crazy during Ben's first four months. Mostly because I didn't have many parenting books to read, and it felt like in some ways we were waiting forever for him to just do something. I haven't touched it really in the last few months. It's an okay book - I wouldn't necessarily recommend for or against it. It's nice to have something that will help you know what's coming, but I'm not sure this book does a great job of it.
Touchpoints - Brazelton. This book was recommended by an instructor for our newborn care class that we took at the hospital. I think it's okay - but didn't get a whole lot out of it really. I haven't read it since Ben was probably 4-5 months old (it's one of those those month-to-month types, but focuses on the doctor's visits - so it's spaced accordingly (ie what he would see at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, etc). I may actually check back in it now, since it's been a while.
Dr. Spock's Baby & Childcare - Benjamin Spock. Classic. I haven't used it a lot - but it is helpful when I have. My mom got it for me when Ben was a newborn and I was freaking out about whether to give him a pacifier. I think he has a good middle-of-the road approach. His section on what to do/what to look for when a baby falls (and he makes you feel better stating that he likely will eventually fall) was really helpful when Benjamin rolled off our bed. It didn't keep me from freaking out enough to call the doctor on a Sunday afternoon, though. :) Why do these things ALWAYS happen when the doctor's office is closed, anyways?
First Meals - Karmel. This was a gift from my parents, I haven't read it yet.
Fresh Start Cworkbook - Ahlers & Tallman. I haven't really read this one either, although I did print out a chart about when to introduce different foods from it - which we have posted on our fridge and helped us figure out how to introduce the foods past the rice cereal for the next few months. Ben's never been a big fan of strained foods - much preferring finger foods - so we've never really gotten into making baby food.
Honey for a Child's Heart - Hunt. This was a gift from my mother-in-law (who happens to have a degree as a children's librarian). As we're getting more into books, this has actually been really helpful - as there really are some pretty dumb kids books out there - even for babies! We ordered a bunch of the board books recommended from this list (Abe Books - highly recommend it!). Our current favorites are Jamberry and Hand, Hand, Finger, Thumb (probably because they are quite percussive sounding in their rhymes and rhythms!)
Supernanny - Jo Frost. Yes, this is a book by the star of the Supernanny TV show. Haven't gotten into it too much, as Ben's too young I think. But we found it in a thrift store when I was pregnant, and we like her approach (at least on TV), so we have a copy. I actually have it out in my pile to read soon.
The Baby Book - Williams Sears. This was a gift. Sears is a big proponent in attachment parenting, and for some reason this book also gave me the guilt factor (although I'm not sure that's a common response). Truthfully, I haven't read into this one too much - but it did seem extreme enough and guilted me early enough that I just put it down (which is not a normal response for me - usually that effect just sucks me in even more!)
Love & Logic for Early Childhood - Fay & Fay and Parenting with Love & Logic - Cline & Fay. My mother sent these to me in response to finding out that I had read the Burton White book. I think it's focused on discipline and communicating with your child - with a win-win philosophy. On my stack of books to read soon, too.
Whew, so those are the books on my bookshelf right now. I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these books - or a few favorites of your own!
Happy parenting!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
He did it! He did it!!
Last night Benjamin SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! It's the first full night of sleep that Mark and I have both been able to share!
Woo hoo!! We woke up totally ecstatic!
Mark spent five days sleep training/night weaning Benjamin. The first few nights were pretty rough - I think a couple of hours of crying was involved each night. We decided Mark should do it, because Benjamin would get pretty upset at me for not nursing him when I went in. So I actually got a few nights of full night sleep before last night (with the aid of earplugs). Two nights ago, he got up once at 4:30, and Mark helped him back to sleep in 5 minutes. Then last night, he cried out around 12 am (I was asleep already, Mark was up), but settled himself back down.
We are so proud of our boy - and so very thankful for sleep!!
Woo hoo!! We woke up totally ecstatic!
Mark spent five days sleep training/night weaning Benjamin. The first few nights were pretty rough - I think a couple of hours of crying was involved each night. We decided Mark should do it, because Benjamin would get pretty upset at me for not nursing him when I went in. So I actually got a few nights of full night sleep before last night (with the aid of earplugs). Two nights ago, he got up once at 4:30, and Mark helped him back to sleep in 5 minutes. Then last night, he cried out around 12 am (I was asleep already, Mark was up), but settled himself back down.
We are so proud of our boy - and so very thankful for sleep!!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
New Videos
It's amazing to watch how quickly (and visibly) babies begin to change during the second half of their first year. Benjamin can now open and close drawers, and is really, truly crawling now. (Yes, we claimed his first "crawl" a couple of weeks ago, but now he actually can purposefully move from point "a" to "b".) We call it his cripple crawl (very un-PC, I know). Will's waterbowl is certainly Ben's favorite destination. This video is his first (well, actually second, since I made him start over so I could capture it on video) venture to the water bowl. The next day he made it there again twice - once from the kitchen, and once from the family room. Enjoy the following snippets from our recent past with the B-dogg. :)
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